Holiday Traditions: Part II

Coming from mixed cultures, my family has a number of holiday traditions. Most of them revolve around food, naturally. Starting long before I was born the G family makes dozens of tamales together, attends Christmas Eve Mass, followed by throwing back a couple Christmas cocktails and then ALL of the family that lives nearby and those who can make it “home” come together for dinner to devour the aforementioned tamales, the kids then destroy a piñata and we open presents. It really is the best night of the year!

With my mother being Eastern Orthodox she also observes Christmas on January 7, the day after Epiphany for Western Christians. For us kids she deemed this “Little Christmas”. She’d prepare a traditional Ukrainian meal of borscht (beet soup) and holubtsi (cabbage rolls) and pyrizhki (fried dough stuffed with fruit filling). Mum would buy us each a smaller gift to open after dinner, which was really cool as a kid. This also meant our Christmas tree was up for nearly two months because she puts it up Thanksgiving weekend!

When J and I started dating we spent our first Christmas together in Virginia and we continued to celebrate it there before leaving. Holidays are hectic enough so travel is really unappealing, even more so after The Gents arrived. It's tough not being around family at Christmas, so it's been important that we maintain and create traditions of our own. I would love to boast that I make tamales for Christmas Eve and holubtsi at Little Christmas. Admittedly, it’s a ton of work. I’m amazed at my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles with the amount of time, effort, and love put into these meals. Maybe I was spoiled having them dote on me for years, I just don’t want to slave away in the kitchen for a couple days preparing a meal. Plus, I can't even imagine finding the time with The Gents being pretty demanding of my time lately.

As kids our Christmas was really different than our friends and it was sometimes awkward explaining what we ate and why we celebrated the way we did. I’m so thankful for our upbringing though and being exposed to these different traditions. I think it’s made me more open minded and interested in other cultures. One day I’ll tackle this for the gents because I want them to experience these traditions as well.

Until then I’ll do what’s manageable, like get dressed up for Christmas Eve Mass (even thought we weren't able to go this year...sigh) and enjoy a beautiful meal prepared by someone else. Christmas Eve is no fuss and we really enjoy going out for a special dinner that night, but I do cook on Christmas Day. The menu changes, but what has inadvertently become our one culinary tradition over the last 5 years is “Christmas Risotto”, as J appropriately named it last year. I think it’s officially a keeper for the holiday. And this year for the first time, thanks to some inspiration from a friend here, I baked and decorated about 100 sugar cookies. So I guess I can say I have maintained that our Christmas traditions do revolve around food! Am looking forward to developing more food traditions over the years, and keeping some I grew up with. And since I said a year ago that I would post the Christmas Risotto recipe, I'm finally getting around to it. Thanks for being patient. xo

Inspiration When Least Expected

A couple weeks ago one of the guys on my team approached me about attending a tech conference here in Riyadh. I’m not the biggest fan of conferences because it often ends up being a bunch of publishers and individuals just trying to sell themselves. Plus, it’s forced interaction when I’d usually rather be introverted. But since I’m a visitor here I didn’t want to seem ungrateful so I graciously accepted the invite. And I’m so glad I did. There were some good panels and speakers that I did learn from, but the discussions and one-on-one chats I had are the most memorable. The extraordinary women I met made it two of the most interesting days I’ve spent in Riyadh. 

I arrived at the conference on my own. The guys were stuck in client meetings and would arrive later. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. How conservative or progressive this would be? Would I have to use my Arabic? After I found the right area of the hotel (all of the signs were in Arabic, naturally), got checked in, and walked the floor, I decided I’d duck into one of the rooms to listen to a panel.  It was then when I saw a distinct cultural difference that I wouldn’t have experienced back home - the conference rooms had partitions, separating the men from the women. I know, it seems bizarre to you!

The first session I attended was in Arab-ish (Arabic and English). Fortunately Princess Reema bint Bandar Al-Saud spoke mostly in English so I could somewhat pick up on what they’re talking about – discussing the dominance of males in business in KSA. You may remember Princess Reema from one of my early posts. She’s a huge womens' advocate in KSA. Her presence was serendipitous and set the tone for my experience at this conference.

The skew towards addressing the men was so noticeable that a female Marketing Manager at IBM, heading up Watson customer engagement in the ME, made a point to say that she was going to stand on the women’s side of the room so that we could actually see her. The gentleman who spoke before her never crossed the partition. In his defense, he's French and was probably concerned about getting in trouble. I liked her sass though and I made a point of asking a question during Q&A so she had some female support. We ended up chatting after her session, which led to an introduction with Lara who is the only woman running a media agency in KSA. Amazing! We bonded over being mamas and our Chicago connections. As I knew no other women there, she was kind enough to join me for lunch. Yes, even lunch was segregated. I know, these are hard concepts for you all grasp.

Over the two days I would meet Tuba who is a self-made business woman and entrepreneur who went through two tumultuous marriages, fought for her children and her career before finding true love with her current husband. She now fights for women’s rights and is changing legislation in KSA. I also met Julia who heads up the center for middle eastern studies at Cal Berkeley. Reem who is Egyptian and emigrated to the US when she was five but returned to Egypt to pursue her journalism career and just in time to cover the revolution back in 2011. She’s now the managing editor of a business news site. And I actually met two Saudi women working for Aramco, engineers by education, but now focused on Aramco’s business incubator and scouting out new technology to invest in. There was an un-communicated solidarity among the women. They have worked hard to become educated, to break into their respective fields, and compete with men who are often less educated and less experienced.

Even though I didn’t really want to attend, I’m grateful I went to this conference. I’m grateful I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to engage with these accomplished and inspiring women that I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. It’s situations like this that will make one think “What have I been doing with my life? Am I making the most of my talents? What can I be doing differently? Wait, I can do this!” I needed this inspirational kick-in-the-bum. The last month has brought some career challenges and stressful uncertainty, which I will share another time. As 2017 comes to a close I’ve been giving a lot of thought to things – family, work, my well-being, this blog – and change is most certainly coming. What exactly I’m not entirely sure, but you know I’ll be sharing it with you as I figure it out. The unknown is scary, but if I've learned anything from all of my challenges - and now these women - is that I can take it on. Here's to everyone finding some inspiration to kick-off the new year! Cheers!! xo

Starting Our Holiday Traditions

I consider myself a spiritual person, with a lot of faith in God. I definitely wouldn’t call myself a very religious person. In fact, I completely own that I’m one of those Catholics that bends the rules...a LOT. I mean, our marriage hasn’t even been blessed in the church yet AND one of our best friends, who is gay, married us in a restaurant.

There are many aspects of Catholicism and how the church operates that I don’t agree with, which has spurred some lively debates in my family. Don’t get me started on the annulment process or why priests have to be men and unmarried. I have questioned religion over the years, there are people who have come into my life that have challenged my beliefs and why I practice. I’ve had people ask, “You’re Catholic? You go to church?!” I didn’t think it was that much of a shock, but yeah I am and I do. I’m complex.

On the other hand there some aspects which I love, particularly the traditions. I love the parts of Mass that are still in Latin. There is something I enjoy about the old school rigidity of Mass that has barely changed in my lifetime. Going to church is almost like meditation, with Advent and Lent being our times to prepare and reflect. I think it’s really beautiful. I enjoy going to mass, I like to pray and try to give thanks every day.

For me, Catholicism and its’ traditions became more my family’s culture, along with my parents ethnicities (Mexican & Ukrainian), making me who I am. My parents, separately, raised us in the Church, sent us to parochial school, we completed our Sacraments and practiced our religion in their respective homes. I was not raised a fair-weather Catholic. I went to church every Friday with my school and on Saturday or Sunday with my family. I looked down on those people who made it so we had to sit in the last row or in folding chairs at Christmas Eve or Easter Mass. As an adult and parent I look back on those formative years fondly – the Christmas programs we participated in, tamale making with our ENTIRE family, Christmas Eve Mass, followed by dinner at my grandparents to eat said tamales, and then all of the cousins ceremoniously competing to destroy a piñata. THIS is Christmas!

When J and I discussed marriage and children there was no question that I wanted to raise our children with a faith-based upbringing. One day they can decide what they want to practice, if anything. Although J has had a less than positive experience with organized religion and with the Catholic church while getting his first marriage annulled, he knows the importance of it to me and has obliged. While living in Virginia we attended church and The Gents were baptized. It was tough getting to Mass every week with them and their schedules, but we were getting into a good rhythm. And then we moved to Saudi Arabia, where there are no churches and the only religion that’s allowed to be practiced is Islam.

I knew it wasn’t wise to bring a bunch of religious items. I was a little concerned about even bringing my cross necklaces so I carefully packed them in my carry-on, which I knew wouldn’t be searched on arrival. I didn’t bring anything else – no rosary, no prayer books or cards, and definitely no bible. Although in hindsight I should have just shipped them along with the rest of our personal items. We knew that packages are randomly searched, during the Christmas season especially. So we warned our family not to wrap anything and not to send anything Christmas-y. People have their decorations shipped in their HHE, but I figured we’d do without a big tree and the beautiful ornaments for a couple years. Man I now really regret not shipping it all.

Being on the other side of the world, not having gone to church in six months and not seeing anything that resembles the Christmas season (other than mugs and ornaments at the Starbucks on the DQ...so strange) it hit me that I needed to do something, For myself and The Gents. There are a few Christmas events planned at the Embassy, which is great, but I want something more than just decorations, cookies, and Santa. I want something more meaningful that reminds me of the reason for this season. And I feel I owe it to C&R to start teaching them about their faith we want them to have.

So I reached out to someone we recently befriended who is Irish to ask her if she knows anything about a Catholic Christmas Eve Mass. She’s still working on that for me. Then I was speaking with one of the other mamas she talked about celebrating Advent in our weekly playgroup, which got me thinking that I should be doing this at home with C&R. In fact I have a great daily Advent prayer book…that’s back in storage in DC. (sigh) So I had to start from scratch. Even if I could have some books or materials sent they wouldn’t get here in time. It’s wonderful how much content people have created and published to share on the internet that can easily be printed. My efforts culminated on November 30th, running to an office supply, book, craft and toy store to get the things I needed so we had everything to start Advent on December 1st with The Gents. Lesson learned - next year I will get ahead of this!

We have our advent “wreath”, which is pretty much just four LED votive candles that complement our modern, minimalist tree. I made a daily Advent reading and prayer book, tailored to small children. I also added Jesse Tree lessons. I hadn’t heard of this until doing my content search, but it’s really cute and smart way to start teaching kids about Jesus’ family tree – 25 people for each day of Advent. And I found some pretty, and free, Jesse Tree printables that I cut out and crafted into ornaments. We have a couple large bamboo stalks that The Gents love so I’ve made those their Jesse/Christmas Tree. We add the ornaments to it each day after our morning prayer and readings. And since we don’t buy them a lot of Christmas presents, I have small little gifts (books, Hot Wheels, dinosaurs) for them to open each morning.  

I was speaking with my mother about the mad scramble I made to get all this done. Although she applauded my efforts she asked, “Do you think they know what’s going on?” I think they do. They’re definitely smarter and more aware than we give them credit for. They mimic the gestures we make and words we say every day. And after 12 days of Advent they know what to expect while they eat breakfast and before I leave for work.

Would I have started this tradition if we were back in The States? Yes, but maybe not for another year. Since they’re not getting any structured religious exposure I figured why not start now? And the sooner we start our traditions the better. The odds are good that are we’re going to be moving every couple of years to a new and foreign place. It’s these traditions that will create some consistency and make any place feel familiar, like home.

Maybe one day they’ll question it all and won’t want to practice Catholicism. And if that’s their decision I will respect them. For now, we’ll give them a similar upbringing that we had growing up and create memories that we hope will leave a lasting impression. Regardless of religion, what I hope they’ll appreciate when they’re grown is the time we spent together as a family and building our own traditions.

A Banner 2017

Before I jump into the highs of this year I'd be remiss if I didn't honor the losses that made us stronger, resilient and even more grateful for the life we've built and the beautiful, healthy family we have. We'll never forget those experiences and how they touched our lives. Our blessings are countless though and it's impossible to not see the love and positive vibes that continue to surround us. It truly is a banner year. 

We currently live in Saudi Arabia! We're still in awe that we live in the Kingdom and impressed with how quickly we've all adapted to life in one of the the most restrictive countries in the world. It has a some positives and a whole lot of negatives, but we're so glad we took this leap because it has been a great experience. We just hit the six-month mark, a quarter through our time in Riyadh. We'll keep you updated on when we find out our next post.  

The Gents continue to make strides and amaze us. R's hemangioma has almost disappeared and doesn't appear to have any long term affects on his hand movement. Before we left for Riyadh he proved he could indeed walk and no longer needed physical therapy, which was wonderful because I can only imagine the challenge of finding a physical therapist and getting to appointments in Riyadh. We patiently waited for these guys to grow as they had always been in the low percentiles for height and weight, (head circumference has always been large!) but they caught up at 18-months as their Georgetown pediatrician predicted. It seems like they're constantly going through growth spurts and eating more than me, daily. They're running, wrestling and climbing on everything. They're typical boys, usually with a car in hand and making loud noises. It's often crazy, but how could we not revel in it? They're loving life in Riyadh - the playground, meeting people, flirting with women of ALL ages (seriously), and proving they can swim without us hovering over them (although they do wear their Puddle Jumpers). They're not talking too much yet as they've developed a twin-speak and have no need to communicate with anyone else than each other. I'll admit, I'll be a little sad when their secret language phases out. 

Wally turned nine in September and is subsequently turning into a bit of a grumpy old man. He's getting more protective of us all and more impatient with the younger pups he comes into contact with, showing them who's boss. He's still a sweetie though, playing with The Gents and other kids, while taking some heavy handed petting and tail grabbing from the littles. Some days you'd still think he's a puppy, galloping in the park with fury friends and hopping on his hind quarters. He wants for no love and attention as he gets plenty from our friends and neighbors. There is a growing waitlist of people who want to watch him when we travel. Some people probably wish they felt as much love. 

It's been a big year for J with his new role in Riyadh, learning some Arabic, and being voted to the board of employee association at the Embassy. When he's not at the Embassy, he's socializing on the international diplomat scene. He's also now back to golfing and picked up tennis. I didn't even know he knew how to play tennis. 

As for me, I got to be the Best Woman at my Bro's wedding, started this blog, became a working mother in Saudi Arabia, made some lovely friends, am learning some Arabic, traveled, and my love continues to grow for all of my gentlemen. I couldn't ask for more. 

Oh and thanks for continuing to support this little project of mine, keeping in touch, and, most of all, sending your love. We can definitely feel it from afar. Can't wait to see what 2018 brings and to hopefully see you all next spring/summer when we're back in the midwest ! xo 

Much love from The Bitter Crew - Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! 

p.s. When creating our holiday card this year it was really hard to narrow down just a few pics to include, so I figured it was necessary to post some favorites, showing The Gents growth over the year and some special moments. Enjoy!

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Where Did My Babies Go?

Thanksgiving in Bahrain was a rude awakening. Ugh! These first haircuts. I never imagined it would have such an impact on me...and The Gents. How I see them, how other kids interact with them. Did they already act like little boys and it's just more obvious now? Or maybe it's a coincidence that they started acting this way because they were hanging out with the older twins? Whatever it is, I'm not ready for it.

Soon after we arrived at the Ritz we walked the grounds to see what was available. This was our second stay in Bahain and I have to say these hotels/resorts are impressive. Everything you need is on the grounds and there is no reason to leave during your stay. Maybe next time we'll actually venture out and explore, but we were all content to take advantage of the amenities readily available to us. 

And then we stumbled upon the barbershop. J & I have been wanting to get The Gents haircuts for months. It's not any easy task in Riyadh though. J has had some trial and error with barbers here and has now found one that he likes. We've tried taking C&R to said barber, but to no avail. The times that we've gone, strategically timed to arrive long before the next call to prayer, we've been asked to come back after prayer. Factoring in their nap and meal times, it's been impossible to get their haircuts in Riyadh. 

The next morning in Bahrain we got up for breakfast, had some beach time (a first for C&R) and got to the barbershop before noon when I knew they would be ready to nap. The Gents were amazing. The barber was pretty great, too, but I was thoroughly impressed with how well these guys handled the foreignness their haircuts. H warned me, "They're going to look so different, older, like little boys." And she was absolutely right. My babes have always been cuties, but now they really are handsome little gentlemen. 

After, we got up to our room Royce woke up. In case you didn't see on Instagram, he fell asleep in barber chair. Maybe they both had a burst of energy from the lightness of their hair, but we had a tough time getting them down for a long nap. After resigning to the fact that this much needed rest was not going to happen, we decided it was time to go to the Mexican restaurant for cocktails. I said to J, "Let's ditch the stroller and let these guys walk."

Going out without the stroller is liberating, for us and them. We didn't have to take specific, out of the way, stroller friendly route nor did we have to lift the stroller up and down stairs. The Gents took off, wanting to explore but also stayed close enough to hold our hands when needed. We saw flamingos and a little bird walked in front of C. After margaritas and guacamole we went to the kids club to meet up with the older twins. We played on the jungle gym, teeter-totter-ed, and spun on the merry-go-round. Five year-olds  played with The Gents, bouncing them on the trampoline while C&R just laughed and giggled. They had no fear or concern for this contraption they'd never been on. Then we walked over to the bouncy castle. I wasn't sure how this would go over. Again they surprised me by running around this inflatable wonderland, with kids much older than them. They fell and bounced back up. Royce eventually had enough and walked out on his own, over to the tennis courts. If he had a racket I wonder is he would have tried to play? Mind you, we're still without the stroller at this point. We got dinner, then gelato, gave them their baths and got them down for the night. They were spent. 

It was an epic day for them, one I'll never forget, of so many firsts. And what stands out most to me is how different their world seemed. Was it the just haircuts? Or the lack of a stroller, giving them a little freedom to explore? Maybe it was their fresh cuts AND not being carted around in a stroller that made the bigger kids act differently towards them. I don't know, but it felt like a night and day difference. 

On our drive back to Riyadh, J started talking about the weekend and the haircuts. I burst into tears. He asked, "What you don't like the haircuts?" Oh silly, Dad! If you only knew that my heart was slowly breaking since that first golden lock of R's hit the floor and with every observation I made that things just seemed...different. The Gents are no longer babies. It's the never ending bittersweet struggle. I want to see them develop, grown stronger and smarter, but it usually blindsides me. I'm never ready when it comes.

Coincidentally, my dear friend P who lives in Miami posted a pic on Facebook of her son's first haircut at Disney World and I could sense she was a little heartbroken about it. We were pregnant at the same time and her son is just a month older than The Gents. We've gone through some milestones together. I reached out to her on WhatsApp to let her know I was with her. We had a good chat about these milestones and what they mean, knowing that we might not experience them again. It's nice to have another mama affirm my emotions are normal.

The fact is there are going to be a lot of milestones and a lot more heartbreak. As I'm writing this I'm even tearing up to the point that I have to take breaks so I can just finish. But how wonderful is it to love someone else so much that it ignites this much emotion? Now I know why my mother cries so easily! I'm much more empathetic about that now. I just hope this gets easier. Who am I kidding? I'll be a wreck the day they leave for college, in a mere 16.5 years...but who's counting?

99% Anxiety Free

As shared in previous posts, I’ve had some minor anxiety issues throughout my life that I’ve managed on my own. And in February of this year when I reached my breaking point, dealing with a number of issues, my doctor strongly suggested that I go on a low dose of Lexapro. I really like my doctor back at Georgetown. We’re the same age, she also had twins a little later in life, she genuinely cares so much that she always follows up with me, and she just gets me.

She knew I wasn’t comfortable being medicated. She even told me she didn’t want this being a long term solution for me. She knows I was an avid runner, working out regularly before The Gents arrival, so she wanted me to make an effort to carve out the time to take care of myself again. My mental and physical health depended on it. Knowing the correlation to working out and managing stress, which was how I managed my anxiety for years, I knew what I needed to do. And finally she suggested that maybe I start seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. I just had a breakdown in her office. On top of work, my health and the move, I immediately started feeling overwhelmed with a list of things to start doing. I told her let’s focus on one thing at a time.

The short of a very long story is that I recently took myself off the Lexapro and I’m grateful for everything and everyone that made it possible for me to do so. I started in February, came off it March when I found out I was pregnant, and started again in mid-April after the miscarriage. This last stint was a 6-month stretch. It was great and exactly what I needed, given all of the struggles I was facing before we left the US. I think it also helped me transition to Riyadh and tackle all I wanted to accomplish before starting work in late July. I discussed it with the doctor at the Embassy in August and she too felt that I could come off it when I was ready. She also said Riyadh isn’t easy, so if the Lexapro helped she didn’t see the harm in sticking with it. Totally my call to make. At that time I was fine continuing it. I was feeling good and handling things well. I think the Lexapro was a bit of a security blanket I wasn’t ready to let go of, just yet.

A portion of my progress is directly attributed to my level of physical activity and dedicated writing. I’ve been working out on a regular basis for almost five months now, doing crossfit/HIIT 3 times a week and yoga once a week. I’ve never felt so strong and fit in my life! Whatever time I have left in the week after spending quality time with J and The Gents, which isn't much, I devote to this creative and cathartic outlet. My goal is to post once a week and I've managed to accomplish that since starting in June. It helps a ton that work isn't too demanding so I can work from home on Arabic class days and leave the office at 5p everyday. Having help from our nanny is another huge factor in my self-care. And last, but not least, is my supportive husband who knows how important these things are to me. I’m SO grateful. I believe everything happens for a reason. And we’re in a place that’s making it possible for me to take care of myself when I’ve needed it the most.

For the record, I did consider seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. When I started looking into it I realized I already have one in D, my Leadership Coach, who I don’t have to pay for. (LOL!) Seriously though, the stress of my professional life compounded with day-to-day demands is the perfect storm that fuels my anxiety. Once D knew I was pregnant she impressed upon me the importance that I put myself and the babes first. No more messing around. Our collective health depended on it. How D supports me in my professional life often spills into my personal life. In each session we have we focus on a topic or problem to tackle, she makes me aware of any assumptions I’m making in the situation, helps me to think about things differently, suggests ways to approach the issue, and then it’s on me to set an action plan to achieve my goals. I’ve worked with D for nearly 6 years. She is wonderful and has helped me though many challenging times. I’m grateful she’s still willing to work with me while I’m in Riyadh. Even when I can't speak with her I still have her voice in my head, reminding me what I'm doing and helping me to think differently.

So when and how did I decide to stop taking Lexapro? When we got back from Lyon I began forgetting to take it before going to bed. And I never forgot to take it. Maybe it was my new nightly skincare routine that distracted me with so many new, fun and lovely smelling French products. (Can you tell how much I enjoy it?) When I would remember the following morning I thought to myself, “I’ll just take it tonight”. Some nights I would, and others I forgot, again. It was obvious I didn’t need it. I wasn’t fretting about what might happen if I missed a dose, or two, or three. After weening myself off and not taking it for the last few weeks I feel in control and I’m still caaaaalllm.   

Which leads me to my first test. This is a particularly tough week between taking care of myself, barely getting to see my husband because he's working late, spending as much time as possible with the Gents, oh and WORK. There are a few things going on at the office (mainly losing our primary account after 15 years and now pitching a number of new pieces of business to hopefully makeup the difference) that I could easily be worked-up about, but I'm not and I won't. And I’m not going to because, as I have finally learned to embrace, things always have a way of working out for the best...even if we can't see it in the thick if the craze.  Maybe there will be a time further down my path when I might need a little help again, but for now I’m grateful that I got my anxiety under control and to not have any unnecessary chemicals in my body.

One of the most uncharacteristic compliments I have ever received was back in August from my new and dear friend H. She had been in Riyadh just a few days and when meeting The Gents for the first time she commented on how well behaved they are, followed with, "I can see why they're so calm because you're so chill." CHILL! A word that has never been used to describe me! Uptight and high strung, yes. Although one of my friends a few years back once called me "the hippie of type A personalities". I had now reached a new level in my journey with this classification of "chill". Sure, this was just days into my friendship with H, but I was so proud that this was her early impression of me because it's something I've been working on for years. 18 years to be exact. In my very first appointment with a therapist, the summer after my college graduation, she and I discussed how to "stop sweating the small stuff". As I've gotten older it's no longer just small stuff, but rather mostly really BIG, heavy stuff. It's constant work and an on-going process to recognize what I'm doing, correct it, and focus on what I can control. Now that I have a family it's even more important that I'm making the effort so I can be the best version of myself for them. Am I'm not going to let some BS take away my chill. ;) 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! xo

Recognizing The Gents As Individuals

One of the funniest questions I think we get from other people about the Gents is “How do you tell them apart?” This has never been a problem for us. Since the day they were born they’ve looked different. I mean there was a 1.5lb size difference. Yes, they obviously look like brothers, but certainly not identical twins. I can understand how people might not see it immediately though and really have to study their faces to tell the differences.  How could an outsider know the nuances in weight, height, hair and facial features?

Physical characteristics aside, now that the Gents are 21 months (!) what’s becoming even more distinct between the two of them is their personalities. I could tell C&R apart even within the womb. C was in the same position the entire pregnancy, to the right and bottom of my belly, staking his claim to be the first of this twinset to enter the world. Royce on the other hand was all over the place comfortably resting on my left side, contorting himself, somersaulting, then sitting his bum on top of C’s head and ultimately cramming himself up in my rib cage the morning of their delivery. It was almost as if he just couldn’t find the exit out.

Their commonalities quickly became known in the NICU – feisty and demanding, but sweet cuddlers. Nurses would comment, “Wow! They have no problem letting us know what they want.” I’m glad they were assertive at days young and not afraid to speak up. I was a shy child so I’m glad they’re nothing like me in that respect. As much as they have similar characteristics, we quickly recognized the differences of these two beings and even more so soon after they came home. C often needed more attention and fussed quite a bit. While I held and tried to soothe C, R would just look at me contently as if he understood that his big brother needed me in that moment. At that point R was already more patient, super smiley, even in his sleep, and liked cuddling with stuffed animals.

These traits have continued to develop. C is a little more independent, but when he wants our attention he lets us know! He’s also tougher to calm when he does get upset. Royce is still the more easy going of the two, but let's me know that he wants to be picked up and cuddled when I walk through the door after work. C is a silly flirt, often flashing a big smile, and giving his snacks to others. R is sensitive and attune, trying to distract Carter with a toy when he’s upset. C is a joker, often messing with Royce and pushing his buttons. R only puts up with it for so long though until he physically retaliates. I think R is now growing tired of being the patient, nice guy!

Early in my pregnancy I read a multiples parenting book that had a chapter on being mindful of seeing and treating each as individuals and giving them their own one-on-one time. This now seems like a no brainer in hindsight, but when I read it a was an AHA! moment for me. I took these words to heart and I’m very conscious of it. We’re all unique individuals, and their individuality shouldn’t be discounted because of their age and especially not because they shared a womb for 33.5 weeks.

For instance, each demands their own time with me. Now that I’m going into the office I try to spend as much time as possible with them when I’m home and have a free moment. Before I leave in the mornings I sit with them while they eat breakfast. When I get home from work they greet me at the door. I drop my bag and abaya immediately to sit on the dining room floor with them. We play for as long as possible before I need to walk Wally and change my clothes to workout. And when we return from our workouts we hang out until it’s time to take their bath. In any of these instances one of the boys will plop himself on me to be tickled, play airplane, sung to or just be held. Often both will try to crawl all over me, but one will often get frustrated and start whining, demanding his own time. Carter is especially impatient with this. Sometimes he withholds affection from me or will take his frustration out on Royce. It took a few times for me to realize what he was doing, but it’s something I’ve learned I can correct.

Much like when they came home from the hospital, Carter needed more from us. He may always be like this, but I’m glad I recognize it now so that I can give him the attention that he needs. Often it’s as easy as picking him up, walking and talking to him, going to the kitchen to get a snack, a few moments of alone time and he’s fine. It does make me mindful of who I sit next to we have meals, how much cuddle time I’m giving to each, and making them both feel like they’re getting enough Mama time. When I’m doing this right one will obligingly walk away for a bit, knowing that they will soon get their own time with me in a few minutes. I’m in awe that they already understand and know this. 

I often think about when I started developing interpersonal skills, personally and professionally, learning how to engage certain personalities differently to take people’s character traits into consideration in order to have a positive and productive relationship. This is the same approach I take to parenting. Yes, I believe in consistency and discipline with them. If they’re behaving poorly they should be reprimanded accordingly, but each has their nuances to be finessed.

Recently I learned that they understand a timeout. C kept playing with the water cooler, turning the water on, letting it run, and creating a puddle of water on the floor. Their playing with the water cooler scares me because the hot water could burn them. Finally I had enough, sat him on the floor, and instructed him to sit and stay. I recently read an article about getting down to the level when speaking with your child so I figured I’d give it a try. I explained to him what I was doing and why. I walked away for a minute, then went back to him to repeat why I had put him on timeout and told him “I love you”. He then stood up and hugged me! We have had a number of timeouts since. Sometimes he gets upset and starts crying, but all I have to do is get down to his level, calmly speak with him and he usually calms down quickly. AMAZING!

As previously mentioned, R is the more sensitive of the two. If you look at him a certain way or speak in a harsh enough tone it will make him cry. We can see it coming, too. His eyes will lower to the floor and his bottom lip slowly pushes out. It’s the cutest and saddest thing I’ve ever seen. The Gents are getting to this stage where they play fight. They actually laugh when they smack each other! And now that they’re hanging out with other kids on the regular I don’t want to take the chance of one of them “play” slapping, hitting, or kicking another kid. So I’m trying to keep this behavior in check. Last week I put R on timeout for slapping C, this time making C cry. After I spoke with him and we hugged it out I asked him to apologize to C. I know this is asking a lot of a 21 month-old, but we need to start good habits. There was no apology, rather they just giggled at each other and Royce followed me in the kitchen. I said to him, in a serious tone as I was standing at the stove making dinner, “I would like it if you two stopped hitting one another. It’s not very kind.” His pouty face emerged and I knew the tears were coming if I didn’t act quickly. So I immediately got down to his level, softened my tone, and said, “I’m not mad at you. I’m just letting you know how I feel and would appreciate you being nicer to each other.” His frown loosened and he was back to normal. It’s wonderful what they can comprehend, even just from tone.

Their personalities are distinct and wonderful. It’s work to observe and internalize who they are, but I’m willing and happy to put in the effort to figure out the best approach for each of them. It’s definitely trial and error, but I know we’re going to be entering a whole new challenging period soon enough when they turn two so it’s good we’re starting a communication process now! We try to be emotionally present with the Gents, aware of and respectful of their wants and needs. Like all kids, they have their tougher moments, but I think C&R are really good little boys. I love who they are, even their more challenging aspects. They’re helping me grow as a person, be more aware of how I can improve, and be a better Mama. I’m sure I’ll have more obstacles and lessons to share along the way, but I’m already proud of the little gentlemen they’re becoming.

BE VIGILANT

The last few days in the Middle East and the US have been eventful, for lack of a better word to blanket summarize all of this craziness.

I know some of you already saw the news that the Saudi’s intercepted a missile Saturday night that came from Yemen. 

By the time we woke up Sunday morning, Prince MBS had 11 royals and various government appointment people arrested and fired in an anti-corruption crackdown early that morning.

Then the Lebanese PM stepped down amid speculation that threats on his life were made by Shi’te Iran and Hezbollah. The former PM is Sunni.

And the saddest and devastating news came about the church shooting in Texas.

To backtrack a bit, in case you aren't fully aware, KSA is surrounded by terrorism, war and enemies…although you wouldn’t know it from where we live. It feels incredibly peaceable in the Kingdom. Probably because they don’t mess around here and people are quickly punished if they commit any crime.

The target of the missile on Saturday was the airport. Smart on the Houthi’s part to try to trap us here. I have coworkers who were into Riyadh as it was happening! J and I were watching TV when we heard and felt something like a glass sliding door opening and closing on the second floor of the villa. To note, we don’t have any sliding doors. Wally was laying on the floor next to us and was not phased. If he started barking we may have gotten up and look around our outback, but we continued watching Vice Principals.

About 15 minutes later J’s phone rang, to inform us of the situation, that what we heard was the intercepting missiles being launched and to continue the phone tree to make sure all personnel and family members are accounted for. I jumped on my phone and realized I missed 41(!) messages from the Embassy Mums WhatsApp group I’m on. A number of them heard it as well and the videos on social media started flying of the intercepting missiles being launched.

A number of things started racing through my head, but the first was how impressed I am and thankful for the people staying up round the clock doing their jobs. People sitting somewhere, monitoring this activity acted swiftly and saved people’s lives. Although the people and the technology proved themselves, I opted to work from home on Sunday. Security is tight at Faisaliah Tower, even the diplomatic vehicles get searched when they enter, but going downtown didn’t seem like the smartest choice to me. I felt much better being near my babes and taking them to playgroup that morning.

When I arrived at the Gents’ playgroup the mums were talking about the arrests made the night before. To put it in perspective, some of the royals are considered the Bill Gates and Warren Buffet of KSA. Those who were arrested are being detained at the Ritz Carlton. Yes, the luxury hotel is closed to the public and now a detention center. I guess the Prince has enough compassion to not throw these people in a real Saudi jail. Who knows what the fallout will be, but it’s sending a message of the who is in charge and what is acceptable in KSA.

The news from Lebanon is particularly complicated for the Lebanese nationals in KSA. Lebanon is a country dissected among Christians, Muslims, and a smattering of Jews. Amongst Muslims there is Shi’ite and Sunni presence, oh and don’t forget about Hezbollah. And to keep some balance, ALL groups are mandated to be represented in official government appointments. Since the former PM is Sunni this likely means a potential heaver Shi’ite presence. Which means ties with KSA will be strained. And if things escalate, Lebanese people will be forced back to Lebanon. In Bahrain, for safety precautions, Lebanese people are being told to go home. Someone in the office already joked that I may be running things on my own soon…I’m praying that doesn’t happen.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking, “What are they doing living there?!” And I get it. The truth of the matter is that nowhere is safe right now. When I woke up to read the news about the shooting in Texas my heart started hurting. This was a sacred place, one that should be safe and this terrorist trapped people in this place so he could mow them down. Terrorism, whether home grown or foreign, is the true threat. As my brother always tells me, be vigilant.

And I’ll repeat it, BE VIGILANT. Admittedly I sometimes feel too safe and let my guard down. KSA “feels” safe, but it isn’t. Nowhere in the world is safe though. Now of all times it’s even more important to have some situational awareness. I really like this blog post from the Art of Manliness, especially the A Game for my Mamas to play with their kids! Be aware of the people around you, know the exits, look at where you can find cover, trust your instincts and act - whether it’s travelling internationally or going to the grocery store.

So you all know, even with missiles being aimed at us I don’t feel like we’re in any eminent danger. And if things were to escalate I’m confident the Embassy would have us on a plane back home ASAP. I do worry about all of you back home because people are crazy and laws aren’t going to be changing anytime soon there. So PLEASE be vigilant, be safe, take care of yourself, and each other. XOXO

I'm A Fun Halloween Mom!

Countless times before I had children I wondered what kind of mother I’d be. Having kids changes a person to a degree and people have no idea how they’re really going to act in a situation until they’re in it. For instance, I’ve never really cared about dressing up for Halloween. I don’t dislike it, it’s just never been a big deal for me to get dressed up. I don’t have a Halloween mother. You know the ones that decorate the house, front lawn and even dress up? In fact I think she actually hates the holiday, so that probably had an impact on me growing up. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually dressed up my entire life. Then I had kids.

Last year, for their first Halloween, they obviously wouldn’t be going door to door trick or treating. In fact they had a little cold that day and the temperature started getting cool in Virginia, but I felt like if I didn’t dress them up I would regret it. Inevitably one day they’re going to wonder what they wore and ask see to pictures. I couldn’t disappoint their future selves. Tigers are my favorite animal. We called them our little tiger cubs early on. These would be adorable costumes! I ordered them on Amazon with plenty of time and of course the wrong sizes arrived. Hell hath no fury like a mother whose kids’ first Halloween is about to be ruined. Oh dear, the poor Amazon customer service rep that had to deal with me. Fortunately, I called back when I calmed down and I got the costumes delivered in time.

All this from a mama who supposedly didn’t care about Halloween?

Fast forward to this year. There were four various Halloween events here over the last week! FOUR. I knew I had to up my game, and not just for the Gents but for myself too. My historical lack of Halloween spirit was not going to fly here. Being surrounded by people into it definitely helps. The moms are pretty serious here as the Halloween conversations started two months ago. And socially, who wants to be known as the mama that doesn’t dress up?

Being in Riyadh adds a whole new level of complexity with Halloween because you need to plan far enough in advance for delivery and with a buffer in case you need to make last minute tweaks. I knew that I wanted to dress the Gents as Clark Kent and Superman, but of course I got sidetracked with other things, namely planning for Lyon, that I dropped the ball on ordering everything with the necessary time. Everything I needed for all of our costumes would arrive while we were in Lyon, only giving me a week to fine tune. This could present a challenge. I was mainly concerned about C&R. Not as if they know what’s going on, but I really wanted to make sure they had an awesome costume! And I’m not going to disappoint their future selves when they ask to see pics of Halloween in Riyadh.

After we returned from Lyon and collected our packages from the Embassy I needed to make sure all of the costume items arrived and fit. I pulled out C’s costume from the bag and it looked like it was 3 sizes too big. I almost lost it. This was not happening again! I ended up trying the costume on him later and realized that it fit him better than I thought. It’s a little big, but it works! Halloween disaster averted.

I had a costume in mind for myself, but J wasn’t crazy about it and last minute vetoed it. I won’t say what it was because I’m going to try to get him on board with it next year, but his now required some last minute creative thinking. Oh and J dropped the ball on his costume as well. Rather than coming up with a costume I decided it was time to try my hand at make-up. I love the look of calaveras, or sugar skulls as they’re also known. Fortunately for me my office building is connected to a mall. Between a quick trip to Claire’s and Boots I was covered. And I got some black kitten ears for Thursday night steak night, which kicked off the week’s events, followed by the adults only party on Friday. There were two different trick or treating events, but we opted to bring the boys to the one at the Embassy.

In total we ended up participating in three of the events, all of which I was in some form of character, and brought the Gents to one. I feel a little bad that we didn’t do more with them, but they’re still too young to really understand or miss out on what’s going on. And at least they got to dress up and had a lot of fun. Each time I got in makeup/costume I was excited to see the Gents reactions. They loved it, all the while smiling and giggling…even at my calavera face. I do feel good that I’m a mother who is in the spirit of these holidays, because I didn’t think I would be. Yes, the boys are a great reason to dress up but I also think that because we’re in Riyadh the social aspect makes me want to participate. Either way, I’ve pleasantly surprised myself! Now on to planning for next Halloween.

Yes, We Have A Live-In Nanny

This past week in Lyon was idyllic. I’ve quickly discovered that I’m one of those mothers who wants to travel with their children. Yes, it can be hard and a little more exhausting, and I may have stressed myself out a little to self-induce a couple of massive zits pre-travel, but I LOVE knowing that they are experiencing the world with us. We wouldn’t have it any other way. This time the trip was made much easier by taking our live-in nanny, Joy, along. Yes, I’m now also THAT mama.

Back in Virginia we had a full-time nanny because it was much cheaper than having the Gents in daycare. Having Lesly also meant that I was able to see the boys because I worked from home. Even though she wasn’t live-in, she made our lives SO much easier. Plus she gave the boys so much love and nurturing. She was perfect for us.

When we found out we would be moving to Riyadh, and I would be working, it was a no-brain-er that we’d hire a nanny to help out. When I was interviewing Joy she asked if she could live with us. In Riyadh, the rates for household help and childcare are very reasonable and within our means. In fact, live-in help is even cheaper because we’re providing a place to live. This concept was completely new to us, but it didn’t bother us either. We have the space so why not? And someone on hand all day to help out? I can easily subscribe to that. This isn’t 24/7 childcare though. We do give her the weekends off. I love our children, but I also recognize that everyone needs a little break! At any rate, a live-in nanny was never an option for us in The States.

Quickly I became accustomed to this new way of life. J and I were both able to workout again, we could go on dates, explore Riyadh, attend social outings at the Embassy and even stay out a little late with friends. Admittedly, Lesly was awesome in Virginia and often watched C&R in the evenings (for free!) so we could go out, but this is now a whole new world that we hadn’t experienced as parents before.

Soon after our arrival we started thinking about our first trip. When we decided on Lyon J asked, “Do you think Joy will want to come?” It hadn’t occurred to me. Traveling with a nanny? I know people do that, but not us! We've handled these guys on our own before. Plus she probably wants a little vacation, too. I would totally understand if she didn’t want an all-expenses paid trip to France, and get paid for doing her job…as much as that sounds ludicrous. Sometimes I don’t feel like traveling for work either. Fortunately, she agreed to come with us. I immediately started planning for our Michelin starred dinners, knowing we’d have someone at home with the boys in the evenings.

Vacations are supposed to decrease stress, but anyone who has traveled with a small child can tell you that another vacation is immediately needed upon arrival back home. It is more work than usual. The travel itself, baby proofing an Airbnb or hotel room, or not really being able to baby proof so you’re constantly helicopter parenting for fear they’re going to break something, meals, baths, sleeping arrangements, proper playtime, etc. We certainly managed all of this on our own before, but now that I’ve experienced a vacation with Joy I don’t want to have another without her. Even just for the flights alone it was so nice have an extra sets of hands while J got the carseats on and off the plane or got the carseats secured before getting the Gents settled. At our Airbnb she’d be up with me (they slept in my and J’s room so I got up with them), helping to feed the boys and get them ready for the day while I got myself ready or J ran out for our coffee. There was a park nearby so she’d take them over when they needed to blow off some steam. Don’t worry, we’re not monsters. We we did give Joy a day off to explore and took C&R with us when we drove down to Chateauneuf-du-Pape.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not jetlagged or that each trip with these guys gets a little easier as they become a little older and more experienced travelers or getting to spend time with a dear friend energized me, but I’ve never come back from a trip feeling so good. Not only did we get to visit a beautiful place to experience amazing food and wine, but we got to spend quality time with each other as a family AND we had our adult evenings out.

Anyone who knows me well also knows I did not grow up privileged. When I was a toddler my grandparents watched me and when my siblings were old enough they became my babysitters. I never met anyone who grew-up with a nanny until in my twenties when I met people from New York’s upper east side. I know this is going to come off sounding really pretentious, but having a live-in nanny is the best decision we’ve made. Joy is really good with the Gents and they enjoy her. She makes it possible for me and J to take care of ourselves, physically and mentally, as well as spend quality time with each other. I’m probably in a much better mood because of her, too. It’s crazy to think that we had to move to the other side of the world for this to happen. I have joked with other Embassy wives about not getting too accustomed to the perks of this life. For now, I’m taking advantage and enjoying it. Riyadh made this possible and for that I’m incredibly thankful.

Resume Building

As I'm stuck in traffic this morning on my way to work I'm a little frustrated that I'm running late for a workshop with Oracle that's starting at 8:30. Then I remember that no one in the Arab world is ever on time so I'm not going to stress about being late. Instead I decide to enjoy being driven to work, take the time in traffic to add to my gratitude journal, and reflect on how awesome it is that I get to do something most women don't.

I definitely wouldn't be working if it wasn't for my boss who created my position for me and fought hard to get funding for me. How's that for feeling valued?? And my male colleagues are some of the kindest and thoughtful individuals I've ever met. Even with being a newbie to the market, they're constantly asking for my input and wanting to learn from me. We've got a lot of projects in the works so they can develop their skill set and we can grow the clients' business. I'm excited to be part of it!

Although I'm busy, the expectations of working women are different. These guys work hard, easily putting in 12-14 hour days and often coming in on the weekends. I on the other hand have much more of a work-life balance, keeping 9-5 hours. I don't have a work phone, nor do I check email outside of work hours. And everyone knows a car is waiting for me at 5 o'clock. Oh and they're thrilled that I'm taking Arabic classes so they have no problem with me working from home on the days I have class. I suppose it is a bit sexist that there are lower expectations for me as a woman, but I have to admit that this is a welcome change of pace. 

As you know there is only one other woman who works for Publicis here in Riyadh, and a fellow Wolverine at that (sorry, I had to drop that again!). I haven't mentioned this before, but even among the diplomat wives working is a rarity. It's not because they don't want to. It's just so difficult to get a job here. If they are employed they typically work at the Embassy. Those jobs are few and far between though and take forever to be hired into due to security clearances that need to be done. It can take months to a year. 

I think I wrote previously that the US doesn't have a bilateral work agreement with KSA, meaning that Americans here on a diplomatic visa (like myself) aren't allowed to work on the local economy unless they give up their diplomatic status, which isn't ideal. I didn't have to give up mine because technically I got hired through our regional office in Dubai. A wonderful loophole that makes me a unicorn within the Embassy community. I only know of two other women who work outside of the Embassy. One is a lawyer and the other is a teacher at an international school. I know many women who are skilled professionals - nurses, lawyers, teachers, financial analysts - and they aren't able to work. As rewarding as taking care of children can be, these are women who want a fulfilling career and to financially contribute to their family as well. 

This is something I'm a little self conscious about because I know how many women would like to be working so I don't really don't talk about my job unless someone asks me. When I do tell people that I work on the local economy they are in awe and want to know how I did it. Even J's coworkers think it's awesome that I work outside and get to leave the DQ most days.

The fact of the matter is that I did nothing special to get this job. Well, I suppose I was tenacious about working and didn't let this country's religious conservative vibe intimidate me. Fortunately, I work for a company that has offices all over the world and get to work with a group of kind and hardworking people that I enjoy spending my days with. For both of these I'm immensely grateful.  At this point in my career, and our Arabian adventure, there isn't anything else could I ask for so I make sure to thank God every day for this resume building experience. 

The Path That Led Here

In my career I’ve been fortunate enough to work with a number of global brands that have given me the opportunity to learn about advertising and marketing in other parts of the world and exposure to places I might never visit. In May 2013, I worked on a new business pitch for Chanel that took me to Paris. It was crazy and stressful, but I always look back on it fondly. I made connections with senior leadership in our company that I never would have otherwise and was able to be part of the pitch presentation team. What a career confidence building experience! Unfortunately we didn’t win the business, but had we won I would have moved to Paris to work on the global team. Amazing, right?

Funny thing is at that point in my life I had no desire to live abroad again. I had already lived in London and came back to really fall in love with Chicago. I was able to get home to Michigan to see family frequently, I had a great group of friends/support system, a nice disposable income to do what I pleased, and I enjoyed the work I was doing. The only thing missing in my life was someone to share it with.

Admittedly, I was kind of relieved when we didn’t win. I wouldn’t have to grapple with a decision and feel like I was sacrificing myself for the company or feel guilty that I was giving up a once in a lifetime opportunity. In my mind, I wouldn’t have the time or the opportunity to meet anyone if I was bouncing around the globe and working ridiculous hours on a new piece of business. I wanted to stay put in Chicago and see who might come my way.

Soon after the loss my boss came to me with a potential opportunity to move to Buenos Aries. I didn’t tell him no, as I knew it was a long shot since my Spanish isn’t good enough to be leading a client team in-country. And when he came to me again a week later with an another opportunity to move to Dubai I just flat out told him, as much as I appreciated I being considered, to please stop mentioning my name for these positions. He was surprised, knowing my love of working on global accounts. He thought this would make up for us not winning Chanel. Only once before this conversation had I ever opened up to a superior, but I felt I owed it to him to be honest about what I wanted in my career and personal life. He completely understood. To this day he is still one of my favorite bosses.

And then few days later that June I ran the life changing Ragnar Relay where I met J. Weeks after we started dating in July he got his offer with the State Department and then moved to Virginia in September. Surely his career would require that he work at a US Embassy somewhere else in the world and I knew I would make that journey with him. Naturally, the universe was pulling me out the US, again. Knowing he was just starting this new career, I let him take the lead on where. My only stipulation was, and still is, that there be a Starcom or Publicis office at any potential post location so I can continue working. We'll see what options we have for our next post. :) 

I do believe we all have a path, but we can alter the path with our action or inaction. I also believe with faith, open-mindedness, getting outside of our comfort-zone, and positivity that greater opportunities will present themselves on our path. So many events happened in my life before I met J that prepared me for where I currently am and for that path I'm grateful. 

And so begins my gratitude journal...

Refocused Intention

Now that I’m over three months into starting More Sweet Than Bitter, I did a little self-interrogation to ask myself  - am I meeting what I set out to do? My intention with this blog was to 1) document more of the Gents, knowing that you all won’t be able to physically see them as often as you'd like or have been used to and 2) share updates on our day-to-day life so the distance doesn’t feel so far.

Being committed to MSTB I initially thought about a content calendar so I could get ahead of posts, but every week brings a new experience and I often don’t know what I’m going to write about until it happens.  As you know, it’s been a cultural whirlwind since we arrived in Riyadh. I’ve been excited to share it all with you and flattered to hear some really lovely feedback. Thank you for that!

Saudi life is definitely interesting and makes for good content, but where I think I’m falling short on MSTB is sharing more of our family life. Communicating via text, video chat, etc. from afar has been a much harder than I imagined. The time change alone makes it difficult to catch people live, not to mention the the Saudi weekend is Friday-Saturday, plus factoring in the small window we have in the afternoons/evening to video chat while the Gents are awake. Now that we’re completely settled into KSA life I’m busier than I ever was in Virginia. Now that it’s Fall and everyone is back in Riyadh for the school year it seems like there is something going on every day or evening. It’s a balancing act of family, work, workouts, our collective social life, and getting all of the operational stuff done at home. I’m grateful I can still carve out the time to post here at least once a week. Maybe I’m being a little hard on myself, but I think I can do better keeping everyone in the loop.

That being said, I’m going to devote more time to sharing more of the day-to-day events, especially C&R’s everyday accomplishments. They’re amazing little beings. I’m impressed with their resilience in coming here. They haven’t regressed at all and have only grown stronger, developing more and more every week. I’m so proud of the adjectives of compliments they get from people – "they’re so chill", "sweet boys", "well behaved", "social", "little angels". This may only last for so long, so I’ll revel in it NOW!

They’ve grown so much this summer. On top of them finally being right in the middle or higher of the growth chart, developmentally they are doing great as well. They’re both practically walking up and down stairs, waving and saying “hi” and “bye”. Now that the heat is a much more bearable, and all the kids are back, they just started going to the weekly toddler playgroup at the Embassy. Even though they have each other, the socialization is great for them. I think they do prefer hanging with the older kids though, namely my favorite other twinset – the fun and sweet, almost 4 year-old, boy-girl twins I wrote about previously. I don’t blame the Gents for wanting to be around them. C&R are already learning from them E&E so I can only imagine what the coming months will bring!

Also I’m very proud to announce that J was recently elected by the Embassy community to the board of the recreation association at the US Embassy and will be able to put that Finance background to use again was he was also appointed Treasurer. We and our group of friends are already talking about some improvements that could be made . It will be a new challenge for him, but hopefully a fun one where he can positively impact the community during our time here.

And I’m still plugging away at Arabic. I wish I could say I was more confident in my language skills, but for only about 10 hours of class time I’m happy I’m able to have a conversational dialogue. Fortunately, my colleagues don’t mind me working from home on the days I have class, which has been really nice to have more time with the Gents during the work week. And they seem impressed with what I can speak, so I’ve that going for me. Work is going well. Everyone I work with is smart and great to work with. I’m so grateful it's all worked out as it has

With that I got a great idea from D, my leadership coach. When I was speaking with her last week she picked up on my gratitude with this whole experience so far. And she asked me if I was keeping a gratitude journal. I never thought of that, but what a wonderful idea! So I’m go to start that and will share it as well.

Thanks for bearing with me and being along for the ride while I’m trying to figure this all out! xo

Catharsis: Part II

It was Christmas break and I was off from work; surely I would have plenty of time to devote to this getting this blog started…oh and to start a workout regimen. Cue two 11 month-old boys, while giving our nanny a much needed vacation. Then January came I had to get ready for our global summit in Paris; meanwhile my personal laptop crapped out as well as my work laptop while I was preparing my presentations for the summit! Then I was in Paris for a week. I’m not complaining, but it was my first time away from the boys for more than a night. I honestly did not want to go.

Usually with these summits you come back with a list of work to get started. I returned from Paris Jan 20 with an onslaught of work projects that needed to be completed by end of March, that our Global President and COO had their eyes one. NBD. I needed to find a nanny in Riyadh because I was planning to work upon arrival, plus having help when we touched down would be wonderful. I also had to start my medical clearance process for the upcoming move. Gratefully, I’m an incredibly healthy person so this would be a mere formality. And then the State Department Doctor found a lump in my left breast on Jan 23.

I was instructed to immediately schedule time with my Internist for follow-up and request both an ultrasound and mammogram. I was feeling the weight of work, prepping for the move, and with this latest news of my health I burst into tears in my Internist’s office. I’ve seen this doctor since moving to Virginia. She’s awesome and knows me well. Well enough that she knows some of my personal struggles. So with this meltdown she recommended I start a low dosage of Lexipro for my anxiety and to help me through this overwhelming time. I felt defeated. How did I get to this place? I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was a kid and I’ve always managed it. At this point in time, I hadn’t worked out on a regular basis in well over a year, which was taking a toll. Now I was feeling like I wasn’t doing my best at work. I needed help.

So I started the Lexipro. I had my ultrasound and mammogram a week later on Feb 9 and was given a clean bill of health. The Lexipro took about three weeks to really kick-in, but when it did I felt like all of the clutter and fogginess in my mind had cleared. I was approaching projects and tasks like my old self. I was so much more organized, prepared, and productive. I even handled situations better, like when my boss told me on March 7 that he didn’t see how I could continue my current job while in Riyadh…even though we discussed it back in September and he supported my working remotely. Honestly, part of me was relieved. Don’t get me wrong, I was surprised that he waited so long to tell me, but doing my current job from Riyadh would require overlapping hours with NY and working late into the evening, which I wasn’t looking forward to. So time to shift gears and figure out how I’m going to find a job on another continent by June, in a place where women don’t work and the US doesn’t have a bilateral work agreement - minor hurdles to overcome.

I needed to come up with a game plan. My first move was to set up time with my leadership coach. Yes, I have one at work! Isn’t that amazing? Back when I worked on Kellogg’s, Starcom tested The Leadership Circle (Google it) with our team. I could write for hours about that, but I wrote. And even though D technically doesn’t have to, and has so many projects on her plate, she still coaches some people she used to work with. I have quarterly to six-month check-ins with her, particularly given my previous unique remote work arrangement, she made sure I felt supported and had resources available. She’s so great that she checked in with me this past week, and I’m technically not even working for the company right now.

I digress, after the announcement from my boss, I needed to talk with D. I had to figure out a way to navigate this situation so I could continue working with Starcom while we’re abroad. She and I have the most productive calls. Conversations that make me think logically, that call out any assumptions I’m making, that empower me, that make me remember my value to the company, and most importantly she asks me to recap our conversations in email and to set an action plan that holds me accountable.

From the discussion D helped me think through how to approach using the company’s resources and my connections to find a position within the company in KSA. I was diligent and reached out to everyone I knew who could help me make the necessary connections, friends and colleagues even connected me with people they thought could help. It was a slow moving process, but I was having productive conversations with people who were trying to find the right position or figure out how they could work me in. With every tough situation I’ve ever been in, things always have a way of working out for the best. I had faith the same would happen again, and tried not to get too worked up about it.

In the midst of this on March 8 we found out I was pregnant. Excitement, fear, concerns, but YAY! We’re going to have another baby, oh my gosh we’re going to have a baby in Riyadh, and how are we going to take care of another kid when the two we have take every once of energy and love we have to give? And not to mention we just bought a new car for Riyadh and we’d probably need a bigger one now. And I’m planning on starting a new job. Oh and I would have to stop taking the Lexipro, just after it really started working for me.

BREATHE woman. Everything will be fine. And then we went to Paris. It was so lovely and we have so many beautiful memories. Yes, it had its challenging moments, but these gents thoroughly impressed and surprised us. Maybe they were just as in awe of Paris as their parents, but they really are great travel companions.

I was so excited to come back from Paris and have my first OBGYN appointment on April 7. I was a little worried though because this pregnancy didn’t feel like the boys, but it’s hard to compare pregnancies let alone the fact my hormones were off the charts with twins. By the time we got back from Paris I was so nauseous. Nothing seemed appetizing, yet I was having cravings. My sense of smell was incredibly heightened. All good signs, right? By the time I went into the my appointment at 8 weeks and 3 days I was so ready to see this little one, see it’s heartbeat and let everyone know we’re having another baby.

It wasn’t written in our story though. My doctor couldn’t detect a heartbeat and the baby was only measuring 7 weeks and 3 days, indicating the pregnancy was unsuccessful. I was so sad, but I wasn’t surprised. I felt something was wrong early on, but I wanted to stay positive. I do have a tendency to worry for no reason. Surely my worry was unsubstantiated. I guess in this instance my new mom instinct was right. I had every reason to be concerned. It was a Friday and she wanted me to go in Monday for another ultrasound to confirm her findings. She told me that likely nothing would change by Monday, and not to get my hopes up, but she wanted have a confirmation since my body hadn’t started processing the miscarriage before she would prescribe me Cytotec. And then denial set in. I got home a started and Googling about miscarriages. I read so many stories about women being misdiagnosed. Measurements can be hard to detect. Maybe this would be a miracle rainbow baby? I struggled that weekend, trying to get myself mentally prepared. I just wasn’t ready give up on this little one I was already growing attached to. I prayed for strength no matter the outcome.

I was relieved when I saw the tech who did nearly every one of the boys’ ultrasounds and sonograms. It was nice to see a comforting and familiar face, but I could tell from his energy that there was no change from Friday. He’s got a very fun and lively personality, and I could read him already. I was like when he found that Royce was in distress at my Week 33 appointment. I put on my stoic brave face, as he told me that that was no change since Friday and I was still measuring the same.

I really wanted this little one, even though it meant there would be a lot of things to figure out. Part of me was relieved that our little family won’t change because it feels perfect right now. I would’t have to worry about where I would have this baby or going on maternity leave soon after starting a new job. And the other side of me still feels incredibly guilty for being selfish, even thinking about these trivial things as concerns. I would obviously muster up the energy to care for another babe, there is always more love to give to another being, I would easily get a med-evac out of KSA to give birth back in the States and who cares if I would have to go on maternity leave soon after starting a new job? A child is a blessing that so many families wish they had.

As my stepmother said to me years ago, and I always remember when necessary, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. At the end of all this I believe that we can only control so much and that our story is written by a higher power. Lord knows we have a lot going on right now and it’s just not our time. And only he knows if this is the family we’re meant to have or if we’ll be blessed with more kids.

What I do know is that I’m already incredibly blessed. We didn’t have to wait long to get pregnant, and with healthy TWINS! Some women and families spend years and thousands of dollars to not even have a child. So when I devastated with our loss, the Gents are the ones who eased the pain. This pain made me so much more grateful to have them, seeing their faces light up countless times a day, hear them babble and giggle, and crawl to cuddle me. One day I’ll tell them this story and properly thank them for getting me through this rough patch. How could anyone possibly be sad around these darlings?  

April was a tough month physically and mentally. I was grateful for May and all of us being able to get to Michigan for my brother’s wedding, seeing so much family and dear friends. I also started the Lexipro, again. The rest of month was a whirlwind, and then we got to KSA June 6. I can admit that I was probably pushing some feelings aside, just trying to get through the move. I’m definitely still processing because I’ve been teary-eyed writing and editing this, but am so glad I forced myself to do this (I started it on April 10!). It was what I needed. So thanks for reading it!

As I’m continuing to process I’m living in the moment, owning what I can control, and continuing to have faith that things will work out for the best. Am grateful that I have an adoring husband to share this amazing bittersweet life with and two incredible, sweet little gentlemen who I get to watch develop everyday and call my children. Am thankful to see the other side of the world, experience another culture, appreciate the great US of A, be able to communicate with you all from afar, and feel the love from so many people.

The Long "We'll See You Later"

We started our farewell tour Easter weekend. We weren’t saying “goodbye” to anyone. We’re just living in another country and we’ll be back to visit, although the distance initially made it feel more permanent.

We were fortunate to introduce the Little Gents to so much of J’s and my family before we left. Timing was on our side and we were able to attend by brother’s wedding without much stress from move logistics, and spend quality time with dear friends in D.C. as well. Even though I know we’ll be back soon enough, I just wanted an extra day and hold on to everyone a little bit longer because it’s hard to say “ I love you. We’ll see you later.”

The last few weeks in Virginia/DC were a whirlwind. I don’t know what we would have done without our nanny. She and her family took care of Wally for a good part of March, April and May while we were traveling and living in a hotel. And even though she isn’t technically family and we’ve only know her just over a year, this was a hard farewell for me. We’ve been through so much together.

Lesly started with us March 15, after the boys came home from the NICU and just before Royce went back into hospital to be monitored on his hemangioma medication. She dealt with the day-to-day craze with us, blaring apnea monitors, complications with Royce’s hemangioma, developmental appointments with specialists, nearly every doctor appointment and just figuring out how to be new parents. She was God sent. It was a blessing to have her in our lives when we needed another loving person to help us care for these babes. She deserves credit for her part in the strides they’ve made this year, plus. We’ll cherish the time we had with her and look forward to her being in our lives for years to come.

The Little Gents first photo shoot. This is one of few pics when they weren't screaming. 

Catharsis

It’s been a challenging year. Anyone who knows me well knows I’m fairly private. I do have the occasional vent, but I don’t like complaining. Despite being called a “bad bitch” and “tough mama” by those closest to me, I think people think I’m tougher than I actually am. I’m incredibly fortunate and have a really great life, surrounded by loving a husband, beautiful babes, and amazing family and friends. So many have no idea what this year has brought though.

I intended to start this blog January 1. New year, new project, and a new way to share our life with our family and friends, especially as we began our move prep for Riyadh. A bunch of things came up since then that prevented me from starting this that now just seem like lazy excuses and don’t really matter. After this last week of getting set-up in Riyadh, now is the best time to start sharing our bittersweet story with you all.

The high/lowlights include a breast cancer scare in February which was thankfully cleared with an ultrasound and mammogram but subsequently brought on the recommendation and realization that I needed to chemically treat my longtime anxiety issues, in early March being told I wouldn’t be able to continue my job while living in Riyadh, learning I was pregnant, figuring out a plan of attack to find a job in the Middle East (in a place where most women don’t work), taking the gents to Paris, and then finding out in early April that the pregnancy wasn’t successful.

Sometimes you just come to your breaking point and have to vent. 2017 hasn’t been challenging for just me. I can look around my tribe and see the struggle so many people are going through – personally, professionally, with their health, etc. – and it begs the question…what is going on???

I share all of this with you not to just bring you up to speed on my life, but to be honest and real. What’s a true relationship if we’re not sharing the bad bits, too? (And if any of you is going through a similar experience, know you can always lean on me.) At first I felt defeated when I decided to go with my internist’s advice to take Lexapro, until I saw the positive in the kick-start that it would give me to get through this challenging time. And I was devastated when my gynecologist didn’t find a heartbeat during my first ultrasound, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I’ll share more about all of this in due time. For now, I’m still processing.

Even though I’m a life-long Catholic, those close to me know that I’m “progressive”. I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason and the strength that these challenges and heartaches bring anyone with an open mind and heart. I believe in awareness, mindfulness, energy, a little bit of astrology, the theory of The Force, and, above all, the love that God has for us all.

That love I have seen expressed so many ways, through so many people, and at the most perfect moments when I needed it most. So I thank you all who have shared in this journey thus far. And I look forward to everyone else who is now sharing in our adventures to come.