I consider myself a spiritual person, with a lot of faith in God. I definitely wouldn’t call myself a very religious person. In fact, I completely own that I’m one of those Catholics that bends the rules...a LOT. I mean, our marriage hasn’t even been blessed in the church yet AND one of our best friends, who is gay, married us in a restaurant.
There are many aspects of Catholicism and how the church operates that I don’t agree with, which has spurred some lively debates in my family. Don’t get me started on the annulment process or why priests have to be men and unmarried. I have questioned religion over the years, there are people who have come into my life that have challenged my beliefs and why I practice. I’ve had people ask, “You’re Catholic? You go to church?!” I didn’t think it was that much of a shock, but yeah I am and I do. I’m complex.
On the other hand there some aspects which I love, particularly the traditions. I love the parts of Mass that are still in Latin. There is something I enjoy about the old school rigidity of Mass that has barely changed in my lifetime. Going to church is almost like meditation, with Advent and Lent being our times to prepare and reflect. I think it’s really beautiful. I enjoy going to mass, I like to pray and try to give thanks every day.
For me, Catholicism and its’ traditions became more my family’s culture, along with my parents ethnicities (Mexican & Ukrainian), making me who I am. My parents, separately, raised us in the Church, sent us to parochial school, we completed our Sacraments and practiced our religion in their respective homes. I was not raised a fair-weather Catholic. I went to church every Friday with my school and on Saturday or Sunday with my family. I looked down on those people who made it so we had to sit in the last row or in folding chairs at Christmas Eve or Easter Mass. As an adult and parent I look back on those formative years fondly – the Christmas programs we participated in, tamale making with our ENTIRE family, Christmas Eve Mass, followed by dinner at my grandparents to eat said tamales, and then all of the cousins ceremoniously competing to destroy a piñata. THIS is Christmas!
When J and I discussed marriage and children there was no question that I wanted to raise our children with a faith-based upbringing. One day they can decide what they want to practice, if anything. Although J has had a less than positive experience with organized religion and with the Catholic church while getting his first marriage annulled, he knows the importance of it to me and has obliged. While living in Virginia we attended church and The Gents were baptized. It was tough getting to Mass every week with them and their schedules, but we were getting into a good rhythm. And then we moved to Saudi Arabia, where there are no churches and the only religion that’s allowed to be practiced is Islam.
I knew it wasn’t wise to bring a bunch of religious items. I was a little concerned about even bringing my cross necklaces so I carefully packed them in my carry-on, which I knew wouldn’t be searched on arrival. I didn’t bring anything else – no rosary, no prayer books or cards, and definitely no bible. Although in hindsight I should have just shipped them along with the rest of our personal items. We knew that packages are randomly searched, during the Christmas season especially. So we warned our family not to wrap anything and not to send anything Christmas-y. People have their decorations shipped in their HHE, but I figured we’d do without a big tree and the beautiful ornaments for a couple years. Man I now really regret not shipping it all.
Being on the other side of the world, not having gone to church in six months and not seeing anything that resembles the Christmas season (other than mugs and ornaments at the Starbucks on the DQ...so strange) it hit me that I needed to do something, For myself and The Gents. There are a few Christmas events planned at the Embassy, which is great, but I want something more than just decorations, cookies, and Santa. I want something more meaningful that reminds me of the reason for this season. And I feel I owe it to C&R to start teaching them about their faith we want them to have.
So I reached out to someone we recently befriended who is Irish to ask her if she knows anything about a Catholic Christmas Eve Mass. She’s still working on that for me. Then I was speaking with one of the other mamas she talked about celebrating Advent in our weekly playgroup, which got me thinking that I should be doing this at home with C&R. In fact I have a great daily Advent prayer book…that’s back in storage in DC. (sigh) So I had to start from scratch. Even if I could have some books or materials sent they wouldn’t get here in time. It’s wonderful how much content people have created and published to share on the internet that can easily be printed. My efforts culminated on November 30th, running to an office supply, book, craft and toy store to get the things I needed so we had everything to start Advent on December 1st with The Gents. Lesson learned - next year I will get ahead of this!
We have our advent “wreath”, which is pretty much just four LED votive candles that complement our modern, minimalist tree. I made a daily Advent reading and prayer book, tailored to small children. I also added Jesse Tree lessons. I hadn’t heard of this until doing my content search, but it’s really cute and smart way to start teaching kids about Jesus’ family tree – 25 people for each day of Advent. And I found some pretty, and free, Jesse Tree printables that I cut out and crafted into ornaments. We have a couple large bamboo stalks that The Gents love so I’ve made those their Jesse/Christmas Tree. We add the ornaments to it each day after our morning prayer and readings. And since we don’t buy them a lot of Christmas presents, I have small little gifts (books, Hot Wheels, dinosaurs) for them to open each morning.
I was speaking with my mother about the mad scramble I made to get all this done. Although she applauded my efforts she asked, “Do you think they know what’s going on?” I think they do. They’re definitely smarter and more aware than we give them credit for. They mimic the gestures we make and words we say every day. And after 12 days of Advent they know what to expect while they eat breakfast and before I leave for work.
Would I have started this tradition if we were back in The States? Yes, but maybe not for another year. Since they’re not getting any structured religious exposure I figured why not start now? And the sooner we start our traditions the better. The odds are good that are we’re going to be moving every couple of years to a new and foreign place. It’s these traditions that will create some consistency and make any place feel familiar, like home.
Maybe one day they’ll question it all and won’t want to practice Catholicism. And if that’s their decision I will respect them. For now, we’ll give them a similar upbringing that we had growing up and create memories that we hope will leave a lasting impression. Regardless of religion, what I hope they’ll appreciate when they’re grown is the time we spent together as a family and building our own traditions.