Surviving Our First Accident

October 22, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

At drop offs and pick-ups, I always chat for a few moments with the woman who runs the boys’ school. Monday morning she made comment on what good little boys they are. This is what every parent wants to hear from their kid’s school. I added that they’re really sweet kids and how lucky we are to have them. After Pepa and I got back from drop off we started the usual routine - bottle, laundry and dishes. I heard my phone vibrating in my bag in the foyer. I forgot to put it in my pocket when we got back in the house. I to grab it and see the call is from The Gents’ teacher, the woman who runs the school. I immediately took a deep breath and answered because I knew this wouldn’t be good. She sounded calm when she said hi and asked how I was doing. I asked, “Is everything OK?” She then began to tell me that R fell from “the climber”. It’s basically an old school jungle gym that’s just about 6 feet high. The boys were sitting at the top when R reached out too far for a tree branch, got startled from his teachers yelling when they saw what he was doing and he fell off the side. I immediately thought a broken bone or worse. She said he had a bad cut on his brow bone that would likely need stitches. So now I needed to figure out where to take him. I let her know I’d figure out next steps and ring her back.

Before I hung up though she said she felt bad, like she jinxed them by saying they were good kids. If that morning she had said they were lucky for not having any accidents at this point, I would have knocked on wood to do my part to make sure nothing bad happened to them. But this accident was not the result of her putting a positive comment about these kids out into the universe. This was just boys being boys - not listening when they were told not to sit up there and being careless by reaching too far off the edge of a tall structure. Honestly, we are lucky nothing happened until now, but you never heard those words out of my mouth. I’m not jinxing my kids!

One of my biggest fears while living abroad is having an emergency that requires going to the emergency room. For me, not speaking the language when trying to get treatment for my children is terrifying. There are horrible stories in The States about people getting mistreatments in emergency rooms. Surely the same could happen anywhere. Maybe this is an irrational thought, but it’s one that plagues me.

Being part of the US Embassy community we have process for medical emergencies. And the process is different at every post. It all depends on the resources, level of care (compared to the US) that’s available in the local hospitals, and the resources of the US medical unit associated with the Embassy. If it’s a major emergency, we’re to go straight to a specific hospital here in Maadi. We’re told to not even call for an ambulance, because Allah only knows how long it would take to get to our home and then the hospital AND they might not take us to the right hospital. For anything else, we’re instructed to call the Embassy med unit and they will tell us what to do. This is all information I learned at the briefing I went to a few weeks back. Briefings are long and painful to sit through, but it’s instances like this when I’m glad I went and know exactly what to do. So I called the med unit and was told to bring R down to the Embassy where they would patch him up.

I then called our driver, who takes us to and from school. He was available to drive us immediately. I called the school to let them know I’d be coming back soon. They offered to take Pepa for the day so I could focus on R. It’s hard to catch JR on the phone so I text him, asking him to call me and he did immediately. I purposely reached out to him last, wanting to get a plan in place so he’d know everything was taken care of and minimize any back and forth. I packed up what I thought we’d need for the day, not knowing how long all of this would take, and I raced back to the school. It hadn’t even been an hour since I left the boys.

There his teacher met me at the entrance, explaining in detail what happened, showing me where and how the incident went down. C was outside playing with his classmates, seeming concerned about R and where he was. I said I was going inside to see R and that I’d need to take him to the doctor, but that he’d be OK. When I went inside one of the helpers had R on her lap. He was still crying, whether from being scared, in pain, or needing his Mama. I handed off Pepa, scooped him up in my arms and gave him his lovie. It was the first thing I packed for the day, knowing it would help calm him. I didn’t expect the injuries to be as bad as they looked. He was really banged up and still bleeding. I’d never gone through anything like this as a kid, so I was taken aback. I’m still shocked I didn’t cry when I saw him. Maybe it was something inside me knowing I needed to keep it together for him, to not scare him more.

I grabbed his bags and carried him out. I didn’t say goodbye to C because I didn’t want him to see his brother that way, again, or risk upsetting R even more. We quickly got in the car and started the trek into the city, which takes about an hour at that time of day. I let JR know we were on our way. I then made a little bandage from tissue (sadly, it’s all the school and I had), put my arm around my baby boy to apply some pressure to the gash above his eye. I brought gummies, thinking his favorite treat would distract him, but he didn’t want them. He definitely was not feeling well, so we just watched “Rescue Bots” the entire ride. I wanted to keep him awake in case he gave himself a concussion. Side note, as I have mentioned, driving is Cairo is pretty crazy. On the way to the Embassy our driver actually hit another car. It wasn’t bad at all. It was really more of a bump, trying to get around a car that was backing into traffic to park. Our driver zoomed off, but of course another driver started honking and yelling at him. Windows were rolled down and there was an exchange of words, a few of which I caught. I’m sure our driver said something about a wounded child needing to be rushed to the emergency! Nothing like adding a little excitement to the situation.

When we arrived at the Embassy JR was already there to meet us at the entrance. It wasn’t until then, when I saw him, that I got emotional. I still didn’t want Royce to see or sense me being sad for him so I sucked it up. When we got the med unit, my instincts kicked back in because I knew R was going to be nervous. A barrage of people came in and out of the room we were in, bringing him cookies, lollipops and icees. I know they were trying to help make him feel comfortable, but it just made him more scared seeing a bunch of strange faces. He sat on my lap, lolli in one hand and icee in the other, while I cleaned his cut and put lidocaine on to numb it, which he fought. The PA said he’d superglue the cut. Observing how emotional R was already, and not a great patient, stitches would be a traumatizing ordeal for all of us. After the lidocaine took effect, I cleaned the cut again. JR and I both were asked to hold R while the PA applied the glue because it would sting and if R moved then the PA might glue himself. With three adults manning a 3.5 year old, thankfully, the process went quickly. And that was it. As frustrating as it can be, there is a part of me that’s glad R is a fighter. It took a few minutes, but he calmed back down and we played in the waiting room while we waited for a ride home. We were there less than an hour and back at our house in 30 minutes.

We hung out, watched some shows and ate a little lunch before it was time to go back to school to pick up Pepa and C. When we got to the school I asked him if he wanted to come in to say hi, but he said no and waited in the car with the driver. I understood and I wasn’t going to push him.

C just stared at his brother’s wound when we got in the car. I have no idea what he was thinking or feeling, but he seemed confused with he furrowed brow and concerned with the amount of attention he was paying his little brother. When we got home, everyone’s emotions let loose. It was a mentally draining day for us all. It was even a new experience for Pepa, being without me for the day and in a new place. Within minutes we were ALL crying for various reasons. After I got the boys bathed, washed the laundry and dishes I didn’t get the chance to that morning and got everyone down for their nap, I crashed too. We all needed that rest. We made it through our first accident. I know this is likely the first of many to come over the years. I’m not jinxing them, it’s just the truth.

The afternoon and evening went well, except for when R saw his face in the mirror. Poor kid. My heart broke for him. I assured him he would heal and that he wouldn’t look this way forever. He finally stopped fighting me to put some cream on his face to help with the healing and give him some Motrin for the pain. I wasn’t sure how he’d feel in the morning or about going to school so I figured I’d take it as it comes. True to his usual demeanor, he popped up out of bed this morning like nothing happened. I gave him the choice of staying home or going to school and he enthusiastically said he wanted to go to school. He’s such a trooper. We got some good kids, and I’m definitely not jinxing them by saying so.

Cairo: Our First Month

October 17, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

We’re fortunate to have our nanny/sitter stay late on Thursdays so we can get out for a weekly date night. Last week we decided to check out a “Latin American” restaurant. I use quotes as it was more of a loose interpretation of an entire continent of food. Not Mexican, not Cuban, not Bolivian, not Argentinian, but an amalgamation of dishes that could be made with the ingredients that are available locally. It wasn’t bad…it was just different. This sentiment seems to be a recurring theme lately.

While we were at dinner, JR mentioned that we’re closing out our first month in Cairo and asked me, “Are you happy here?” This took me back to our first few weeks and months in Riyadh when he would periodically ask me the same question. I genuinely replied “Yeah,” and knocked on the wood table we were seated . “It’s good, it’s just different.” For those of you that don’t know, I’m superstitious. I don’t like to get ahead of myself. As positive as I try to be, I’m also realistic that things can change quickly. So if knocking on wood delays any negative energy coming our way, I’ll take that preventative measure.

Particularly when this is the toughest and most challenging time for me. It’s hard raising three incredibly energetic and strong minded children under the age of 4, while also getting adjusted to a new city, schedules, routines…and doing it all without our live-in nanny. My days start between 5-5:30 because that’s when the kids get up. I have tried to adjust their sleep schedules, but cannot figure out how to get them to sleep later. I’m sure this is a gripe of most parents. The first 2.5-3 hours of the day quickly flies by in a fury of diapers, trips to and attempts on the potty, making lunches, making sure we all sit down for breakfast together, getting faces washed and teeth brushed, asking the boys to tidy up their beds and put toys away, repeatedly, and get us all downstairs to meet the driver to get us to school on time. Somewhere in there I drink coffee and make myself look presentable for the day. Thankfully The Gents dress themselves, put their shoes on and grab their backpacks and lunches as we rush out the door.

By the time Pepa and I get back home I have a few peaceful moments while she takes her bottle. The 4.5 hours I have before returning to pick them up flies by with laundry, cleaning the rooftop, meal prep, looking for a job, running an errand, etc. I won’t even both you with the afternoon and evening routines. You get it, or you know it firsthand, it’s tough being a Mama. But it’s a lot of fun to spend so much time with these babes, to witness Pepa’s development daily, to observe improvements in The Gents’ schoolwork that they bring home everyday. I enjoy those few minutes on the way to school when we play Eye Spy and the return when we talk about their day. I get to interact with their teachers and know their classmates. If I was going into an office we’d be paying someone to do drop offs/pickups, and I’d miss all of this. I didn’t imagine a lot of aspects of this phase of my life with the kiddos or how much I’d be doing on my own. It will definitely make me a stronger mother. And it’s good, it’s just different.

And then there are the challenges of Cairo. It’s dirty, there is a lot of trash, you can’t go on a main street without someone asking for money. The kids and the elderly are heartbreaking. Uber drivers have no idea where they are going, and we rely on Uber a lot here while waiting on our care to arrive! There are SO many stray dogs and cats. Some are indifferent to Wally, some dogs bark loudly to assert their dominance, some dogs posse up to let us know to not come any closer (this also happened with just me a Pepa, too), some cats are really aggressive and try to scratch him. This is why it’s recommended that we all get rabies vaccinations…seriously. And then there are the lack of and sidewalk irregularities. Admittedly, I’ve gotten used to walking in the street, like everybody else does. I can’t wait to be able to drive myself and not have to depend on a driver to get us around. Again, it’s very different.

So much here is still an adjustment, and probably will be for quite a while. Some things we’ll never get used to, like the Friday-Saturday weekends of the middle east. We often think about Riyadh, since it was our last post, comparing certain aspects of it to Cairo. But it’s kind of unfair. It’s like comparing Riyadh to Virginia/DC and comparing Virginia/DC to Chicago. I didn’t even fully appreciate Chicago until after I moved back from London years ago. Each place I live I take a little bit with me, the positive and the negative. But to compare, and I admit I do, isn’t fair. Each is unique. If every city was the same we’d never leave home to travel. I do appreciate the challenging experiences because they make me appreciate home, and where we have been, even more.

Although it may be the most challenging time for me, it honestly is the most rewarding as a parent…and exciting as a traveler! There is definitely so much more available to us here as a family and travel that we couldn’t take advantage of while in Riyadh. We’re lucky to be here, for the personal experiences and JR’s career. I’m doing my best to exhaust my connections and look for opportunities, too. The Gents will have so many memories of this place and our travels in the region. Hopefully Pepa will have a few as well. So without sounding melancholy about it in the slightest, it’s ALL good, just different. xo

Cairo: Week Three

October 8, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

I LOVE old Land Cruisers and there are a few different ones in the neighborhood. This is one of my favorites!

Right now I have an overwhelming need to accomplish as much as possible - getting into a routine, having the kids on a schedule, making meals and prepping food (as much as one can from a welcome kit kitchen since we have nothing of our own), being social, getting the kids out, learning the area, getting out to the sites, etc., etc., etc….

Oh and it was really important that I go the US Embassy for the newcomer briefing and get my badge so I can do things on my own, like take the kids to the doctor and go to the commissary for groceries. The morning I went to the embassy was hard - making lunches and breakfasts, getting the kids ready for the day, only having 20 minutes to get myself ready and then leave them with our housekeeper who got The Gents to school. This is what a working mama who goes to an office everyday must feel. I hated leaving them.

The ride to the city center was interesting! I should have taken pictures. Buses were filled to the point that people were hanging out of open doorways. Cars are crammed so tightly on the road that someone could have swiped the backpack of one of the people standing in the bus doorway. I think drivers create an additional lane of traffic. There was a horse pulling a wagon on the road. We saw a couple of cattle in the back of a truck. We passed the cancer institute where the recent bombing took place. It was surreal to see the damage that was done. Oddly, the city kind of felt familiar because it reminded of Detroit in the early 2000s, before it got pretty again.

It was probably because I was trying to observe so much on the ride in and carry adult conversation with multiple people, but by the time we got to the briefing (JR got me breakfast and dropped me off like a sweet husband) I was ready for a nap. Apparently can’t I seem to handle going to an office setting. I’ll have to get myself reconditioned if I plan on working. After getting my ID I figured I should make use of the time there so I took the opportunity to visit HR to talk chat about potential work and visit the health unit to schedule an appointment for Pepa. I almost fell asleep in the cab on the way home. Honestly, I’m exhausted just recounting all of that.

Probably it’s because I’m not working that I feel the need to accomplish as much as possible and feel productive. Also not having our personal affects makes me want to do something, anything, to try to create some normalcy.

This past week was a lot though and it’s hitting me hard. I’m beat. I’m trying not to put pressure on myself about not having a job and my prospects looking bleak. I know, I’m fortunate to have this time to stay home with Pepa, as well as take the Gents to and from school, but I feel like I need to be doing MORE.

On the bright side I’m cooking a lot. The Gents are thriving at school. Their teacher is already noticing marked improvements in them both in their short time there. Pepa is full on walking now. I’m walking more than I have since living in Chicago and learning how to navigate Maadi. Oh and we have a really nice rooftop terrace, which needs to be cleaned every few days (dirt dust) which is about an hour long chore and a nice total body workout. JR got furniture for it so we have a lovely space for us to hang out. It’s my favorite spot during the day and evening. We got to see the pyramids! I’m making friends. I even went out for a girls night. I can walk Wally without being too nervous about the stray cats and dogs (that’s a whole other post). And the kiddos are getting back to swimming again over at Maadi House.

I don’t want to be premature, but we’re enjoying it here and it’s starting to feel like a home. I can’t complain. xo

Giza Pyramids

October 5, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

When we arrived back in Virginia this summer The Gents’ first nanny, Lesly, helped me out. The first day she came over she brought them gifts, including LeapPads. C quickly discovered a game called “Stretchy Monkey Stretches Through Time”. There is a period of time that focuses on ancient Egypt! How apropos. This gave me the opportunity to reinforce where we were moving and them some historical importance/context of their soon to be home. Before I knew it C was and R we’re talking about papyrus, as well using a hammer and thistle!

So you can imagine how excited JR and I were to get these guys to the Giza pyramids soon after we arrived. We knew it would be way too tough to get them into the pyramids, but we were happy to get the Gents out there and actually see what they’ve been learning about. They were in awe as soon as we saw them in the car from miles away. They look like mountains in the distance. It’s places like these that reinforce my personal feeling of insignificance in the grand scheme of this universe. My existence is just a blip on the timeline of these nearly 5,000 year-old pyramids.

I learned a lot on the drive out to Giza. The area between Maadi and Giza actually used to be farmland. It wasn’t until the 2011 revolution that the land starting being converted to more afordable housing for those who need to live closer the the city. Most of the farmers are now out in the desert, making the produce more expensive because of the cost to transport it and less nutrient rich because the land isn’t as good. And with the vegetation being replaced with mid-rise buildings, I can only imagine the impact it’s had on the air quality.

And for the Giza pyramids being one of the wonders of the world (to me they seem sacred), it’s boggling to see all of the businesses, buzzing activity, and residential community so close to the pyramids. There is a lush golf course right next door!

We only spent a couple hours here, but it was the perfect amount of time for our first trip. The kiddos did fantastic. The Gents climbed a bit of the great pyramid and happily followed us around without a single complaint, all while trekking in the baking sun. Josephine even didn’t mind being in her carrier for an extended period of time. Why not? There is so much to see! Although they liked looking at horses and camels from afar, all these guys were very apprehensive of Mickey the Camel. He was so sweet though and clearly a pro at performing, given his posing and kissing for the camera. Hoping by the time we leave Cairo that these kids will be a lot more comfortable with him to take a ride. Am looking forward to getting back here soon to get inside the pyramids and learn a ton more. We’re lucky to live so close to this historical site.

Cairo: Week Two

October 1, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

If you have been following our meanderings of the last few months, you know we had an eventful summer. I think all the bouncing around was harder on The Gents than I ever imagined though. Four different moves with so many family and friends coming in and out of their lives. I know it makes them sad when they ask if we can go visit someone. “Go to Uncle Paddy’s house today?” And they’re now starting to grasp how far people are away from us. “No, I’m sorry. We’re thousands of miles away. Remember we took two planes to get here?” They ask about family and dear friends often. I have to reiterate that we’re in a different county now, with an ocean that separates our continents. Everyday is now a geography lesson for them.

Being empathetic to how much change they have experienced these past months, The Gents were my highest concern when we arrived in Cairo. As much as I wanted to get them started at school and on their new schedule (and me as well), it was more important that they acclimate to the time change and feel secure in their surroundings, rather than dumping them in another new place with complete strangers.

That first week was hard, dealing with everyone being jet lagged and the boys‘ emotions quickly escalating to meltdown city because they were so tired...ALL. BY. MYSELF. JR started work the morning after we arrived on that Sunday afternoon. By Wednesday C had a runny and stuffy nose. He asked me for a tissue, what felt like every two minutes so we quickly went through a entire box. He even came to me while I was in the shower, like most would kids do to ask for anything. I just wanted 5 minutes without someone needing me.

R and Pepa had runny noses the following day. And then JR got sick. I’m not sure how I made it through this household epidemic unscathed, but I was grateful. As the weekend arrived I was seeing the light at the end of tunnel, and growing even more excited to get these kids to school.

Wait. How were these kids getting to school? We don’t have our car yet. The school isn’t far from our home, but long enough of a walk to tire them. And if I learned anything from our first week, it’s not a good idea to walk with all of the kids.

The night before school started JR secured a driver for us. He’s great, but pricey (in Egyptian terms). Surely I could just arrange an Uber to save a few pounds. So our second day of school I got an Uber. The driver couldn’t figure out where our building is (I could see him on the app driving in circles) so he arrived late. And he didn’t know how to get to the school. Which made us really late. This was the same situation in the afternoon for pick-up. So I’m back to using the more expensive driver, but at least he’s reliable and knows where he’s going. That makes him worth every Egyptian pound he’s paid. Once our car arrives I will be driving them myself. It’s a quick and easy route that I’m confident I can manage.

School has been great for The Gents. They have been beyond ready for quite a while. I wish we could have started them while we were in Riyadh. They never went to daycare, so this is a whole new experience for them. I worried how they might deal with the drop-off. R is pretty sensitive and attached, but even C has been particularly needy lately. Fortunately they saw cars and trucks and the playground as soon as we entered the school, which made it all the more easier leave me. They are literally off and running when we get to school each day. I’m lucky to get a “bye Mama”. They come home absolutely exhausted, sometimes resulting in a meltdown and definitely needing naps. I’m sure they’ll get adjusted to this new routine soon enough, but I’m so glad they’re working their little minds and getting a lot of exercise. I love seeing the schoolwork they bring home!

Now that it’s just me and Pepa for a few hours each day I can get more done and even multitask - do some writing, prep/cook some food, do laundry, go for a walk. This is what having one child feels like?!

But it’s not all easy breezy. I definitely need help at home - with the kiddos and keeping this house clean. One of the, many, frustrating things about living in the Middle East is that your home quickly gets dirty. Sand dust just finds its way through any crack or vent and covers everything. The entire place needs a deep clean twice a week since Pepa is mobile and toddling everywhere. The afternoon we arrived she a was a filthy mess within no time. The bottoms of our feet were black. This is why I cleaned like a maniac the next day and hired a housekeeper immediately. She’s very hard working and cleans better than I do.

And I need some help with this crew by the time late afternoon rolls around. It really is the hardest time of the day. When the boys get home from school they’re so dirty that they go straight to the bath. And coupled with the one of the inevitable meltdown from one, I look forward to the respite I get when they’re all down for their afternoon nap. By the time they wake up though the other is cranky. Pepa even gets cranky later in the day. I get no break from bad moods. Manning all three, getting Wally out for his walk, cooking two different dinners, and tackling Pepa’s bath is a lot. I could do it on my own, but I’d be even more exhausted and miserable. And JR doesn’t want to deal with that, so we found a lovely women who also has experience with twins. Things seem to be working out well for us already.

So I didn’t touch on this last week, but I feel like I shouldn’t ignore the fact that there are protests that have been going on for for some time in central Cairo. Thankfully, in Maadi, we don’t experience any of it. I’m not naive, saying that we’re completely safe since safe is such a relative term. Acts of violence and terrorism happen everywhere, even back home in seemingly safe places. But as of today, I do feel that our family is safe with our daily routine and I have no reason to stress about what might happen. No matter where we are I try to be smart and vigilant, especially when I’m out with the kiddos.

Thanks again for checking in. More to come next week! xo

Cairo: week one

September 24, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

After being help-up a few weeks without having our Egyptian visas, we’re finally here! It was wonderful being back in Michigan for a few weeks, being able to spend some time in Chicago and having a couple months in Virginia/D.C., but we we’re so ready to get this next chapter of our life started and get settled for these next two years.

We can only feel somewhat settled though, given we only have our suitcases. Our UAB and HHE won’t arrive for a while. I was excited to get out exploring. After arriving and leaving the airport, initially the landscape reminded me a lot Riyadh. But as we got to Maadi (think Northside is relation to downtown Chicago), it actually began reminding me of Mexico City...and Rome. I was especially taken aback by all of the lush greenery. Sure, it’s got a layer of dirt dust, but there are SO many gorgeous huge green trees. And not just palm trees.

As eager was I was to get out, I was also a little apprehensive with three kids on my own, not knowing the city or area at all. The morning after we arrived the boys asked to go outside. I had no idea where to take them though. They’re aren’t parks here, that I knew. So I figured we’d just play inside our first day. Plus, I really just wanted to clean our apartment thoroughly. There first things I do in any new place - 1) unpack and 2) clean.

That day when JR get home from work he went out to get us local SIM cards. He said that he could see us spending a lot of our time on Road 9, a couple blocks away. I figured I’d start there in the morning, now that I had a SIM card and could figure out the neighborhood.

So I strapped Pepa in the carrier, grabbed the Gents hands and we were off. My enthusiasm quickly turned to regret. “Why did I bring these kids out?!”

The best way I can describe this antiquity of ancient cities is ROUGH. I knew it would be, but I wasn’t prepared for just how much. Even JR was surprised at Maadi and at least he’d visited Cairo once.

I didn’t think it would be so hard to walk anywhere. The roads are incredibly narrow. People park their cars on both sides of the street, only making it possible for one car to fit moving down a lot of streets. Cars have to move aside, where they can find a spot, in order to let oncoming cars move past. Sometimes cars have to back up if another car turns down the street coming at them. It’s bonkers.

Oh and walking on these narrow streets, where there definitely are no sidewalks, is unnerving especially while holding hands with two small children on either side.

The streets, even though they are paved, are pretty much dirt because there is so much sand and dust. There are speed bumps everywhere, which I guess is a positive because it prevents drivers from speeding.

Sidewalks are non-existent on most streets. Although they are on major thoroughfares and on some roads with restaurants and businesses, but it’s really difficult to navigate with a stroller. They are littered with trash, glass in spots, are high and just drop at intersecting streets and alleys. The Gents jump off them because they’re such a high step down and I hold their hands to get them up. Oh and they’re uneven so I’m scared the boys are going to trip.

With the picture I’m painting you can imagine how stressful it is to go out with the kiddos. I will take Pepa out for walks with me, but only in her carrier.

On the plus side, we have a great apartment. We can’t complain. More space than we need, tree top views for miles, and a great rooftop terrace that we can’t wait to start utilizing. We’re looking forward to making it a home once our personal things arrive.

Our embassy has a great community house that’s practically like a country club, minus the golf course, where the kids can play and swim. We drive there. We drive everywhere now.

Oh and the architecture! There are some really beautiful Mediterranean style homes that were probably built in the 1930s. I love looking at the houses!

The additional pluses - I don’t have to wear an abaya, there is no religious police, people are generally very friendly and there is humidity in the air! And we’re in one of the oldest cities in the world, full of so much rich history. It’s awing to think of what has and who have come before us.

I know even more positive aspects will come. Thanks for checking in. Will continue to share more of our journey. We know it’s going to be an exciting one! xo

We’ll See You Later (Foreign Service Life)

January 3, 2019 Adrienne Bitter

A particularly unique aspect of Foreign Service life is that we’re consistently saying goodbye to people. My very first steak night in Riyadh, when being introduced to a couple, the husband said, “You don’t have to worry about remembering our names, we’re leaving tonight.”

Most post assignments are two years. People generally arrive and leave in the summer months. Then there are all of the people who are here for short assignments, from 2 weeks to 2 months. People are in constant flux. It could make someone feel like there’s no point to being too friendly since they or you are going to leave eventually. But I think, empathetically, people in this life want to take more of an inclusionary and welcoming approach.

When we arrived I set my expectations low for making friends and over time I’ve met quite a few people I would certainly consider myself friendly with. But meeting and building relationships with like-minded individuals who you can trust is rare in any circumstance, let alone in a small community.

Anyone who has read MSTB, or talked to me extensively about Riyadh, has heard me speak of my dear friend H. JR and I actually become friends with her husband T first, soon after we arrived in June ’17, as she and their children spent the summer in Colorado before coming to Riyadh. T quickly became one of my favorite people. I didn’t mind that JR would be gone half the day with him playing golf! T always spoke fondly of H and their kids, showing me pictures and videos. His wife sounded fun. And when I saw the welcome mat that she had sent for the women’s entrance of their house (yes, that’s a real thing in KSA) that read “WHAT’S UP BITCHES?” I genuinely became excited to meet her.

H and I hit it off immediately and quickly became known as buddies in our community. Together, with the guys and/or our children we quickly developed a routine - weekly grocery runs, pizza nights, steak nights, Fridays at the pool, Saturday movie nights at their house, dinners out, trips to Bahrain. Yes, I realize this is a lot of time together. It helps our husbands are good friends as well! The embassy drivers even took notice of it. A lot of people assumed we’d known each other from another post. I sometimes felt like we were getting shade though, with people teasing us for the two or four of us always being together or people making comment that we’re friends just because of our twins. Although having twins makes for an unspoken bond amongst mothers, our twins have nothing to do with our connection. We would have been friends regardless. I get why some people might be envious though. I might be too if I was on the other end, observing us. Not everyone makes a connection at post. It can be tough.

T arrived in Riyadh a few weeks before us in June ’17 and would be here for two years, like us. We were so happy that we’d have these guys here for the entire time we’d be at this post. While I was on medevac I was excited to come back to Riyadh and see H. I truly missed her. Towards the end of my medevac H reached out to break the news that they would be leaving post early. Long story short, T got work opportunity that would be cutting their tour short 6 months. Both JR and I were devastated to be losing our buddies.

Making a connection like this (especially for a couple!) is special and rare. Some might say we got lucky, but I like to think God was looking out for me, knowing I’d need someone during this first tour. However we were all brought together, I’m grateful. I’m a believer that people come in and out of our lives for a reason, whether it’s to teach us something or be the support that we need at that time. H was exactly what I needed during this first tour. Someone to pal around with, confide in, give perspective of her experiences as a trailing spouse, provide twin mom pearls of wisdom, etc. Admittedly I’m so sad to not see my friend and Riyadh feels very different without them here. The rest of our time in Riyadh will go by quickly, followed by summer back in The States and then off to Cairo. Like any situation that’s difficult, this too shall pass.

As H and I were saying our tear-filled farewell, T said to both us, “This isn’t goodbye. You know the people you’re going to keep in touch with and see again. We’ll see you later.” i know he’s right. Plus, I already promised their daughter girls trips with me and Pepa over the years to come. I can’t wait for us to make good on that promise. :)

Life is Saudi Arabia: Year One Reflections

June 6, 2018 Adrienne Bitter

Today, June 6, marks our year anniversary in Saudi Arabia. It’s flown by. , also during Ramadan. Everything was new, foreign, HOT and seemed like a challenge. So many people said to us, “Wait until a year from now. You’ll be a veteran before you know it.”

I had a lot of apprehensions about moving here, but I was also up for an adventure. It really took no time to get accustomed to the differences – call to prayer, navigating trips off the DQ around and during prayer times, seeing a woman completely covered while her husband wears Western clothing, the heat, having to be driven everywhere, not being able to have a glass of wine while out to dinner, missile attack interceptions (NBD), etc. Just another day in the kingdom.

As I’ve learned with most situations in life, it’s ALL relative. Experiences are what I make them. I can choose to let the positive or negative affect me.

On the positive, I’m so proud of the fact I made every effort to work in the Starcom Riyadh office, which very few women have the opportunity to do in this country. I enjoyed everyday there, getting to know the business in a new country, learning from people and making new relationships. I’m bummed I’m not working at the moment, but the silver lining is, that this isn’t a financial burden on us. And not working during this pregnancy has been a blessing, as my blood pressure and stress level will attest.

I’ve also been able to devote more time to the boys, my passions, and take better care of myself. What a gift! I’ve learned a new language…hmmmm, shwaya (a little). We’ve been able to see other parts of the region and took a couple amazing vacations. We’ve made new forever friends.

On the flip side, Saudi Arabia is still one of the most oppressive countries in the world. I recognize and respect the cultural differences between a conservative Muslim country and the U.S. There are a lot of changes that have taken place since our arrival though – women are no longer required a male guardian to travel, the women driving ban is lifted (so happy to be proved wrong on that one!), and the opening of movie, censored of course, theaters. But just a few weeks ago a number of women activists were arrested for speaking out against the government and royal family; for what exactly no one knows. Any progress being made is great, but I believe that improving human rights for women and foreign nationals are critical to be considered true cultural reform that will in turn help other countries to see any progress as legitimate. Early after we arrived I learned of Vision 2030 and wrote about my hope for progress. I haven’t lost that hope. We’ve been fortunate to be here at a pivotal time. I just hope more substantial change is yet to come that isn't just focused on entertainment, tourism, and capitalism. This is my struggle being here, particularly as an American diplomatic guest in the country.

When I meet new people they usually ask if I like being here. Being the honest person I am, I say “I don’t dislike it.” Same as when I lived in London, being outside of the U.S. for an extended period of time makes me appreciate home so much more. Even for all of its faults and shortcomings, living here has brought a lot of positive change and growth in my life and to our family. For that, Saudi Arabia will always have a unique significance to us. And yes, in case you were wondering, I will be getting my drivers license in the coming weeks!

A New Narrative For Saudi…and the US?

January 31, 2018 Adrienne Bitter

Disclaimer: I’m going a little off my usual topics this week. Guess I’m just fired up and need to vent.

Not sure if anyone was keeping tabs on the World Economic Forum last week. I surely wasn’t, but I happened to catch a video clip of Princess Reema during the Saudi panel discussion. I’ve written about her in a few previous posts as she’s a huge women advocate and I had the pleasure of seeing her speak at a conference in December. She’s brilliant and I took her words in Davos to heart. I will admit that I’m guilty of being judgmental of some cultural differences and skeptical of progress in Saudi Arabia.

This was timely because just the day before I was out to lunch with some fellow “diplo wives of Riyadh”. ;) We were discussing Islamic culture, particularly rules for women during Ramadan and not being able to fast when menstruating and the requirement of those fast days being made up later in the year before the next Ramadan. When I learned of this it reminded me of Orthodox Judaism’s law of niddah and how a woman is considered “impure” while on her period and until she cleanses herself (mikvah). Yes, both practices seems a bit extreme and anti-woman to me. It’s not my culture, nor my religion. I wasn’t raised with those practices in my upbringing, but I applaud people who are devout and closely follow their religion’s rules. I bend the rules of the Catholic Church quite a bit, so kudos to them!

I try to be pretty open minded about other religions and cultures and after listening the Princess Reema’s panel discussion in Davos it reinforced – I’m not saying what’s right or wrong, some things are just different than what I’m accustomed to. Living and working in KSA has certainly pushed me to be more understanding and accepting.

Although I’ve been hopeful about progress in the Kingdom and excited to see it happen while we’re living here, which I’ve written about previously, I will totally own being a naysayer about the progress made in this country. A lot has happened since our arrival last June. Women will be driving this summer, movie theaters will open in March, women over the age of 25 can travel alone (with some stipulations), women can now attend soccer matches, there is an co-ed outdoor music festival planned in Riyadh this spring, etc. If you speak with anyone who has lived here more than 5 years they with say this changes are huge! And when they were announced a lot of people said, including myself, I’ll believe it when I see it...insha allah (if God wills it). Once can quickly become jaded being here when you start feeling oppressed yourself.

All of these changes are the right thing to do for the Kingdom and its’ people. A lot of people will say it’s being done for the West, to make companies feel more comfortable doing business here. And that is sad, because even though progress has been slow for decades or regressed because some clerics deemed it, the truth of the matter is America and the West, probably shouldn’t be casting stones.

I’m not going to say that things are perfect in KSA. There is so much progress still to be made. I’ve heard some sexist comments made about women, from non-Saudis and non-Muslims alike. Yes, I will respond when I hear them but I do so VERY politely. I’m always reminding myself that our cultures are so different. It’s nothing that offensive, mainly comments about women not knowing how to drive properly driving or dealing with women’s hormones in the office. Really, some of these comments would have been common to hear in the U.S. 20 years ago.

But look at how devastating our culture is right now? We claim to be progressive but how can we be when we have so many devastating sexual assault, harassment and inequality issues and an obscene amount that surfaced in just the last 4 months? We unfortunately have a culture of f*ck boys, cultivated for decades, who somewhere along the way believed it was fine to demean women and men, preyed on those with less strength or power, took advantage of people with less status than them, and made it so those people didn’t feel safe speaking out or coming forward, until now. Even the supposed good guys, those portrayed as heroes in films in Hollywood, didn’t even come to the rescue of their friends and costars when they heard these stories years ago! It’s disappointing to know these acts have recently taken place in corporate culture, in politics, and in universities. It makes me feel like nowhere is safe. And as a mother it’s really scary. The #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have been powerful in creating support that’s obviously necessary for people to know and feel they’re not alone. Is shocking that it’s taken this long for it all to surface.

Clearly a lot of progress still needs to be made in the US, too. I hope and pray we’re closing an ugly chapter and that people will never be afraid to speak their truth. I will do everything in my power to raise kind and respectful children, with confidence and strength to not only defend for themselves but to defend anyone they hear of or see is being hurt.

It’s All Happening…En Sha Allah (God Willing) Women Will Be Driving

October 3, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

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Well the world is abuzz about the women driving ban being lifted in KSA. Social media was crazy here upon the announcement with those who support the decree and conservatives who are vehemently against. Thankfully the latter was only about 15% of tracked conversations, per a listening study that Publicis Groupe (our parent company) did last week. There also a contingent of people who will believe it when they see it, me included. For the less than four months we’ve been in country, I’ve become a bit jaded. Yes, this is all exciting and historical but as I was chatting with my Arabic instructor yesterday, who is Syrian, I learned too that she’s un-phased by this decree. Nothing moves quickly here, plus laws and rules are not always clear.

As you may have read, women won’t be allowed to apply for a drivers’ license until June 2018. And with that there are a number of rumors flying around the driving rules. Admittedly Prince Khaled bin Salman, the Saudi Ambassador to the United States and the King’s son, rebuked an important one of these already. I’ve yet to find the below published by the government. This is merely hearsay on Twitter and from people I’ve spoken with…

The minimum driving age will be 30
Women must have the consent of their mahram/guardian to drive (Prince KBS stated women wouldn’t need permission)
The driver must wear a uniform (not sure how that would be different than an abaya)
The driver cannot wear ANY makeup (because they can easily bat their lined and mascaraed eyelashes to get out of ticket?)
Will be allowed to only drive within city limits alone and outside of with her mahram
Women driving times are set 7a-8p Saturday-Wednesday and noon-8p Thursday-Friday (Saudi’s don’t do much socially until later in the evening so I suppose this would prohibit a rendezvous with the opposite sex)

Aside from getting clarity on the above. There is a lot that needs to be done between now and next summer to get the country ready for women to be on the road. Per the NY Times article, the Kingdom stated that it will 1) need time to educate women how to drive and 2) educate men on how to interact with women on the road. I guarantee the majority of efforts will be on the latter of the two. Just because women aren’t legally allowed to drive in KSA doesn’t mean they haven’t already been behind the wheel in KSA or in other countries.

Absolutely men will need to be prepared to interact with women. The biggest preparation to be done is creating an infrastructure to be get women on the road and be ready for them. It’s hard to imagine if you haven’t experienced it but there are separate lines for women EVERYWHERE you go, so there is no male-female interaction, unless it’s with a male that works at the establishment. I know, it doesn’t make any sense. There are even women’s only STC stores. We just can’t go to any STC store to buy a new phone or update our phone plan. Women have to go to a specific store! And there are only a few women only stores in Riyadh, even though women make up more than half of the population. The same applies for bank branches, where most people pay their bills. I’m imagining your perplexed face as you read this.

That being said, I’m pretty sure the KSA version of the DMV is figuring out how to plan for this with either a women only section in the DMV location or locations that are only for women...then anticipating the flood of women coming in June to take their tests.

Also, there will likely need to be some female police support recruitment as well EMTs. In a major and slightly more liberal city like Jeddah this won’t be much of an issue, but in a much more conservative province like Mecca or rural eastern province male police will have issues interacting with women.

The scary thing is that KSA is a dangerous place to be on the road. In 2016, 9,031 Saudis were killed in traffic accidents, averaging 25 deaths a day. Some think that with more women on the road there will be less accidents, but inevitably with women driving there is an increased chance for them to be involved. I'm not presuming that women haven’t already been in accidents, but there will need to be a lot of education for men to interact with or hiring of women to deal with these delicate situations. In conservative places where there may only be male EMTs this could also mean potentially delaying the care a woman should receive if her mahram isn't present. Efforts have been made in the last few years to train and recruit women for EMT roles.

Clearly there is a lot of work to be done and I’m sure I’ve only touched on a few of the areas to be addressed, but I hopefully the Kingdom succeeds in making the deadline and putting more effort into keeping their citizens safer…en sha allah.

Is it Saudization or Nationalism?

September 19, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Line outside of the Pakistan Embassy in Riyadh. (Not my photo)

I’m still using motorpool to get to and from work. Arabic class is two days a week, so I work from home those days. It just doesn’t make sense for me to hire a full time driver yet when I’d only be using him three days a week. So until I’m done with Arabic, which I doubt I’ll truly ever be as long as we’re living in the region, the motor pool drivers kindly get me to and from work. I spend a fair amount of time with these guys so I make a point to get to know them a bit. Interestingly, all of the drivers are foreign nationals – Ethiopian, Filipino, Sri Lankan, Djiboutian, Yemeni, and more. Some of them have their families in Riyadh, but others keep their families back home. Fortunately the US government takes very good care of them and, from the drivers I've ask, all intend to spend the rest of their working days at the US embassy. It’s a coveted job. It warms my heart that the drivers are happy taking care of the embassy employees and family members. And I’m really proud that our government takes such good care of them.

Often the drivers speak about the expat situation in KSA and how thankful they are to be working at the US Embassy. I’m not surprised that many choose to keep their families back in their home country. Really the only reason expats come to KSA is to work. If you’re lucky enough to get a coveted Embassy job then it’s a comfortable salary and with benefits, for their family to live comfortably.

It’s tough being an immigrant in KSA and nearly impossible to get citizenship. There are people living here their entire lives with no nationality. They have been gone so long from their home land that they've lost citizenship there or were born in KSA and can’t become a citizen because there are not truly Saudi. Every day on my way out of the DQ I pass the Pakistan Embassy and everyday dozens of people are lined up in front waiting to get in. Pakistanis make up 10% of the expat population here. On my way out of the gate there are so many foreigners walking onto the DQ, obviously to get to their country embassy to renew their passport, apply for iqama or to retain their Saudi visa.

Currently, expats make up about a third of KSA’s 32 million population. Syrians & Indians are the largest groups expat workers, accounting for 23% and 14% respectively. Interestingly, Westerners are only 1% of the population. In late June it was announced that starting this year an expat tax is going to be mandated, 100 SAR a month per family member for those working in the private sector. The tax will increase 100 SAR/month, each year until 2020, when it will cap at 4,800 riyals per dependent annually.

Almost 80% of the foreign workers have a monthly salary of less than 2500 SAR. As mentioned in a previous post, 20% of the population lives below the poverty line of $480, or 1800 SAR/month. Factor in the average number of people per non-Saudi household, which was 4 in 2012, and that’s not much for a family to live on.

Putting all of these numbers into perspective, in 2017 a single expat will have to pay 1200 SAR annually for this tax. If he’s earning the high end of what expats earn (30 000 SAR annually), that’s 4% of his annual salary. And if he has an average family of four, the tax jumps to 4800 SAR or 16% of his salary. And by 2020 that tax will quadruple to 16% for a single or 64% for a family of four! Who could afford to stay or keep their family here?

This is Saudization. Basically it’s an initiative to reduce the country’s dependence on foreign labor, replacing expats with Saudis in the workforce. Saudis only make up 40% of the workforce. Different tactics have been tried for the last decade to decrease the number of foreign workers, unsuccessfully. The primary reasons for this new attempt of Saudization is the high youth unemployment rate, a growing population and diminishing oil revenues.

The issue for the private sector is that Saudi employees are far costlier than their foreign counterparts, in terms of salary as well as efficiency. In previous Saudization efforts there was a massive gap in the labor force because Saudis do not want to work those jobs. And it’s thought that the same problem will occur again. My father once said, when we were discussing how common it is for people in the US to have a college degree, "Someone still has to take out the trash." Meaning that the need for labor jobs will still exist and someone has to fill those roles. Currently the private sector makes up about 40% of the kingdom’s GDP. And according to Vision 2030 there is going to be an effort to shift some of the government sectors to private. This means that either the kingdom will be getting even more money from this tax, or more expats will be forced to leave as they won’t be able to pay it and subsequently there could be an even larger gap in the labor force.

It also means higher costs that people are paying for services if a Saudi is completing the job vs. an expat, such hiring a plumber or getting a cracked phone screen repaired. A foreign worker might charge half of what a Saudi would in either of these fields. And in the corporate environment it's pushing expats out. One of the new Embassy drivers is Yemeni, but he’s lived in KSA since he was a young child. He used to be an Account Manager at STC, in the B2B Division. He looked for a new job because he knew he would never be paid a fair wage, the wage that’s paid to Saudis.

Expats are already starting to leave the country. With school just starting back up in the Kingdom I’ve been told that already there are less children at some of the international schools as their families can’t afford to stay. I was speaking with my workmates and they saw this latest wave of Saudization coming. A number of them have already sent their wives and children back home.

So it seems that Saudization is starting to work. I can understand the desire to take care of the citizens of its’ country, but I don’t believe pushing people out or trying to make money off them is the appropriate way to boost the economy. And reverting back to a homogenous country make-up is not progressive or representative of the modern kingdom that Vision 2030 touts. Sadly, it sounds like Nationalism. What remains to be seen is if there will be enough willing people to fill the labor jobs needed to grow the economy. Just being born in a country doesn't make anyone entitled to a cushy corporate job, live in a palace and drive a G-Class. More so, in the case of an emerging market like KSA, there needs to be workers to lay the roads, build the skyscrapers, construct the tracks for the metro, landscape the palaces, and take out the garbage.

Welcome To Heartbreak - Divorce In The Kingdom

September 6, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Disclaimer: I want to preface this post by stating that this is definitely a heavier topic than I would normally write about, and some may have some sensitivities to these issues and content, but I think it’s important to be aware of which is why I'm sharing.

Kingdom Tower is a landmark in Riyadh. You may have noticed it in a previous Instagram post of mine. It’s has a mall, with high end luxury stores - Cartier, Gucci, Chanel, Etro…it’s all there. What’s really unique about the mall is the women’s only floor. I was reading up on it before our first visit. One article struck me as it was the first time I read about divorce in KSA, stating divorced women wanting a place to be social outside of their home. Given their financial situation after divorce they may be ashamed of their home, living with family, or just want to go somewhere to get their mind off things.

This piqued my curiosity, so I starting doing some research. I was surprised to find that divorce is relatively common in KSA, at over 30%. Even with it being severely looked down upon it’s not against Shari’a law. Even more surprising is how easy it is for men to divorce women. There are two types of divorce in Saudi Arabia. The first is Talaq, in which a man declares divorce. The other is Khula, a divorce at the insistence of the wife. I should note that these are specific to KSA and Sunni Law. The different schools under Sunni and Shia have different laws when it comes to divorce.

With Talaq Saudi men are allowed to divorce their wives without any legal reasoning. In fact men don’t even have to pay for the divorce. Historically, a man could divorce a woman reciting the divorce call three times - Talaq, Talaq, Talaq. After saying it, or even texting it, the couple is divorced.

Saudi women are unable to obtain a divorce without the consent of their husbands, who remain their guardians throughout divorce proceedings A woman must go to court to petition for a divorce, or Khula. In this case, she has to return her dowry and pay her husband a certain amount of money to cover anything he spent on her for the duration of the marriage. This explains why some women often do not have the means to cover the cost of living and end up living with family.

(Side note, I wanted to end each sentence in the above two paragraphs with exclamation points and multiple at that, but I restrained myself.)

According to statistics released by the Ministry of Justice, there was an increase in the number of Khula cases last year. The number of cases all over the Kingdom totaled 2,033 cases, but Khula only makes up about 5% of total divorce cases. So either women aren’t initiating as much as men and/or they aren’t being granted Khula by the courts.

Some speculate the reasons for divorce rate. First, unrelated men and women are not allowed to interact under Islamic law. Often marriages are arranged. Couples rarely get to know each other, or even meet, before marriage. In modern day, marriages will have a tough time succeeding without establishing a good foundation. There are some ridiculous stories I’ve read, one in particular about a man divorcing his wife on their wedding night because they had a pre-nup stating that she wouldn’t post any wedding photos on social media and he caught her posting some on Snapchat. I was relaying this to J and he said "they probably had an arranged marriage and wanted an easy way out of it.' That thought never occurred to me, but the idea is completely plausible given the practice still exists in the 21st century.

Tasneem Alsultan is a wedding photographer and artist. Her story begins like many Saudi women who married too young, in an arranged marriage and without knowing their partner. She thought they would eventually grow to love one another, but it never happened. Ten years later, and after having two daughters, she asked for a divorce. She turned her own experience and work into something positive for Saudi women, creating an online exhibition called Saudi Tales of Love, almost an anthology of concepts of love and marriage—those who are single or divorced, married for decades, widowed or even remarried.

While some traditionalists say that young people today are too quick to divorce because they don’t respect the sanctity of marriage, others say that the increase is because women are starting to speak up if they are abused by their husbands. In the past, the stigma against divorce may have convinced them to keep quiet. Saudi Arabia’s Justice Ministry said its courts received 1,498 domestic violence cases during the past Islamic calendar year, including torture of wives and children and abuse of one of the parents. There were also cases in which brothers were found to be guilty of torturing their sisters. The majority of cases were husbands and brothers beating their wives and sisters, humiliating them, locking them inside rooms, taking away their rights, stealing salaries of wives and sisters and neglect of children and wives. Obviously these are not all cases of husbands abusing their wives. Sadly, all women can be affected by violence from their brothers, husband and sons. And these are just the reported cases. Many instances go undocumented for fear of the shame that these women might face.

Even though they may be enduring some form of abuse, there is reason why women aren’t asking for a divorce. The Saudi family law courts give fathers full-time custody over the children when girls are seven and boys are nine. When they turn 18, boys can choose whether to live with the mother or the father but it is up to the father to let his daughters live with the mother. This goes back to the guardianship men have over women in KSA. I can imagine this is a reason heavily weighing on why women don’t leave their husbands, knowing they’ll lose their children.

In an Arab News article a son recounts the mental and physical abuse his mother suffered from. He states, his mother never filed for divorce because she knew she would lose her boys. And because she wasn’t well educated she believed she would never find a job that would pay her enough to sustain her sons’ education and upbringing. She put up with the abuse and an unhappy marriage so she could stay with her children.

Tasneem, mentioned above, was granted custody of her girls by her ex-husband with the agreement that her father and brothers be involved in raising them. Plus, she was only given $100/month of child support per child, so she needed some help from her family. There are many stories of women being completely cut off from all communication with their children and children being moved away to live with extended family, making it impossible for mothers to see them. It’s infuriating and heartbreaking to think about anyone going through this.

The bright spot is that the National Society for Human Rights was successful in helping some divorced mothers win custody of their children last year. The exact number of cases won is not documented, but the NSHR states that the number of cases they received in 2016 was less than the previous year, declining from 151 to 135. It’s thought that the fall in number is attributed to increasing awareness among women of their rights, with many of them directly approaching courts without involving NSHR.

Sadly, none of these issues I've touched on seem to be a big social concern here, but why would they when women barely have any rights? Hopefully with greater awareness of what other women have faced, education of individual rights, and increased bravery more Saudi women will be able to take action for the better in their lives and still be a primary figure in their children’s.

InstaEmpowered in Saudi Arabia

August 22, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Starting on a new client in a new office always has a learning curve. Being in a new country with entirely different consumer habits is a really steep one. I’ve learned so much this past month at work and am really enjoying acclimating to a new market with so many intricacies. I’m finding social media usage to be the most interesting because of the popularity and distinctly different uses compared to the US and globally – particularly creating content to watch, protesting, posting in privacy, or finding a spouse.

Apolitically, Saudis like posting on social media just as much as the rest of us. Funny anecdote about that, the first time we went to Sultan’s Steakhouse I snapped a few pics of our meal and a very yummy non-alcoholic strawberry mojito. Our waiter came by after he’d me seen me pull out my phone and asked how long we’d been living Riyadh. At that point it had only been two weeks. He was surprised that we’d been here such a short time and had already picked up the habit of taking pictures of food (HA!). I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Saudi’s didn’t start this habit.

My first client meeting on STC was also a first half annual review, which involved the creative work. I was impressed with J. Walter Thompson’s beautiful cinematic storytelling of Ramadan, featuring families gathering together breaking their daily fast in remote locations of the kingdom, but I was taken aback that they played directly to the insight of taking photos of food and STC making it possible to post these pictures in the far reaches of the country. It kind of ruined the story for me, but I guess it resonates locally. It’s a fascinating insight. In a country where so much is censored or monitored and where women don’t post many pictures of themselves (do a location search for Riyadh vs. London on Instagram) it makes sense why people share the pics of their meals or everyday events.

With media being state run it’s kind of surprising that Youtube is incredibly popular. KSA accounts for 90MM+ of it the sites’ global video views, daily. The reason for its popularity is the comedy content. It seems that the local content creators aren’t doing anything haram (illegal) so there hasn’t been much censorship or regulation on the content. The guys in the office have showed me some channels, but I can’t understand a thing that’s going on. I trust that it’s funny. In fact, the Youtube personalities have become so popular here, and approved by the government, that some are even getting their own shows on the major state owned networks in the country.

Even though Twitter is regulated by the government, it rivals Facebook for the second highest active monthly users (6.4MM vs. 8MM)! Twitter has become a platform for people to air their frustrations. Trolling for haram posts is the norm, which seems crazy to monitor that much activity. Subsequently people have gotten arrested and been sentenced jail time for making negative comments about Islam, the government and royal family. It doesn’t seem to stop anyone though. Some appear to use their real name and others are anonymous. I’m impressed because I’m not sure I would have the guts to do it. It says a lot for a country and its' people who feel compelled to speak out though.

Worth noting, I read that the kingdom spent $68MM on hosting Trump during his May visit. Granted this was also a leaked document and only posted on rival country news sites, so I’m not certain of the validity. We weren’t in Riyadh for the visit, but I’ve been told that there was an obscene amount of advertising (TV, newspaper and out of home were the most popular) welcoming Trump. There was an uproar in the Twittersphere by the outspoken opponents of the government, protesting the use of funds and protesting Trump as well. Citizens are getting brave. Everyone has heard about the video posted to Snapchat of the Saudi model who wore a short skirt while walking through a historical village in the desert. She later said that she didn’t know that the video was posted her, but she was brave enough to walk around without an abaya, which is most definitely haram.

Much like the US, even though people may have a Facebook account, activity is actually down. As we know, everyone and their grandmother is on Facebook. You can’t post something without all of your cousins, aunts, and uncles seeing it. Saudi women want some control over what’s being seen by whom, so they can be more open and feel liberated. I had an enlightening conversation with my female colleague about this. Instagram Stories and Snapchat (5.4MM and 4.4MM month users, respectively), with content expiring in 24 hours, it's making it possible for women to post pictures and videos of themselves without their niqab, hijab, and even abaya without family or their Mahram (guardian) seeing . There are Saudi woman celebrities (@fozaza) and influencers (@theabduls, @justbayan) posting pictures in western clothing. It’s worth noting that they often post from other countries, but I think these women are opening the door for others to feel more comfortable being themselves in these self-controlled social environments.

Speaking of having control, I think the rest of the world takes for granted being able to interact freely, even just platonically, with the opposite sex. As I’ve previous written, it’s really difficult for non-related single men and women to mingle. Social now opens the possibility for male-female interaction that isn’t possible face-to-face, even though it's deemed haram. People are finding a way to meet in these platforms and with their family’s blessing!

In many countries we see the downfalls of social media. It’s creating a culture of conceited, self-absorbed people and/or those who constantly have their heads buried in their mobile, more concerned about the lives of others or strangers than those sitting right next to them. Many conservatives might argue the same, and more that's haram, here in KSA. In less than a decade, social media has catapulted some of this county’s people in the 21st century. Social media is demonstrating what people want, gives them a voice, and allows for some "freedom". I think it’s wonderful and I hope people, especially women, continue to feel empowered by it.

A Newfound Appreciation For Dining Out

August 8, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

I now have a theory that all bougie hot places in the world claim their national pastimes are eating and shopping. The times I’ve been to Singapore people love to tout that about their island country…Dubai, Abu Dabi, Hong Kong. It’s kind of the same here in Riyadh although I think it might have be created out of necessity.

The significant exception here is that there is no large body of body of water, museums, cultural events, movie theaters, or places that serve ALCOHOL. Being that Riyadh is directly in the middle of this desert country, the nearest body of water is the Arabian Gulf on the eastern coast four hours away. It’s too hot to even go to the pool right now so people tend to stay indoors, a lot. It’s not surprising that there really isn’t much to do in Riyadh other than shop and eat.

A few malls here are really impressive. There is only so much clothing shopping I can do though, especially when my clothes are covered by an abaya for the most part, plus I’m consciously trying to edit down my current closet. Handbags, shoes and sunglasses are another story, but I’m abstaining from making any big purchases until I start getting paid.

So for now this leaves us with discovering the food scene. There are so many restaurants here, and really good ones. We’ve barely scratched the surface and really nothing has disappointed us. It’s no surprise that American and international chain faves like Eataly, Shake Shack, Wagamama, Laduree, Magnolia Bakery, Bateel, and Eric Kayser have stores and restaurants here. The world’s largest Dairy Queen is even here! Sweet treat mall kiosks and shops for gelato, cupcakes, and cookies are everywhere you look. Chain coffee shops are popular as well. J just went to roasting house so I won’t be surprised when the ultra-niche coffee bar trend takes off here. Even though eating out at some of the trendier or under the radar places may give you some culinary cred, eating out is fundamentally about connecting with people and less about nothing else to do.

For Saudi’s, in my perspective, it ends up being a family social event. Families are large and households are commonly multigenerational. Often I’ll notice a table of at minimum six people, of varying ages, mothers and fathers, young men and women, boys and girls – clearly all family as single men and women are not allowed to interact in public. Single women go out in groups, whether it’s family or friends. They may be accompanied by a chaperone which reminds me of the time we were at Nozomi, a very trendy sushi restaurant that looks like it should be in New York City with its impeccably designed all-wood interior. The family matriarch, who was clearly a grandmother or maybe even a great grandmother, was with the young twenty something ladies of the house. As out of place as this women was in this environment, all of the women were smiling and laughing, enjoying their elders’ company and didn’t seem at all put out with her presence. I felt like a bit of a voyeur, but it was one of the sweetest glimpses into a family dynamic I’ve ever seen.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for a singles living here. It’s really difficult for men and women to interact in this country as there are separate dining sections for single men vs. families and women in ALL restaurants. Crazy, huh? People still have to eat though. If you can’t go on a date, or intermingle with your work crew, you go out with the guys (or ladies as noted above)! I think J has a bigger crew of guy friends in Riyadh than he’s ever had the entire time we’ve known each other. At least once a week one of the guys will ask him to go out for dinner, play golf or go shopping (yeah shopping, you read that right). I’m happy he has great guys to pal around with. I think it’s nice that he hangs out with the single guys, those who are waiting for their family to arrive or others here for a short assignment. The singles section in a lot of places isn’t great. Some restaurants are getting better though. This is where I come in. I think the guys actually prefer when I come along so they can sit in the family section. We absolutely lied to a host once and said that the other guys were my brother and cousin (gasp!).

So much of the success of being in a place like Riyadh is finding a good crew of people that you truly enjoy hanging out with. It’s surprising how quickly we found like-minded people, who have the same interests. Bonus that they don’t mind being around the Gents (or also have kids) and give Wally loads of attention. We’ve spent a lot of time, including meals, together with this group. God is definitely looking out for us. And for this reason I go back to my earlier point about Saudi families.

There is something special about having a meal with people you connect with. It’s familial and comforting, especially being so far from home. Yes, it’s nice to have the convenience of Shake Shack, be able to order my favorite curry at Wagamana, enjoy a delicate Laduree macaron and think “Riyadh isn’t so bad!” but having a crew is awesome. Because when I'm checking in with my family and friends they want to know that we're making new friends and have a good support system. Although Riyadh may not have many activities to offer outside of luxury shopping, a plethora of different cuisines and international chain restaurants, it does offer the opportunity to build relationships with people you’d never have met otherwise.

Why Women Won't Be Driving in KSA Anytime Soon

August 1, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Let me preface and stress, that what I am writing is just MY opinion. While I was writing my last post on the troubles I’m having trying to find a means to get to and from work, I found various articles and reports about the women driving ban in KSA. I became curious and wanted to educate myself.

What started with cultural and religious tradition of women not driving then became institutionalized in 1991. Following a pro-female driving campaign, a Saudi cleric issued a decree citing women’s driving promotes of ‘sinful’ practices - being alone with a member of the opposite sex, unveiling the face, careless and free intermixing of sexes, and committing adultery. This stirred the preverbal pot of the kingdom’s large conservative religious base so much that the Ministry of Interior was pressured to endorse it. And this is why women aren’t allowed to have a drivers’ license and therefore cannot legally drive.

Fast forward to now. Perhaps you’ve heard about Saudi women's driving activist Manal al-Sharif and her book, Daring To Drive? KSA is the last country in the world to not allow women to drive, which has been made it a topic of ongoing debate for years, even among Saudi princes.

Saudis are constantly debating this topic. It’s a huge issue given the economic realities in KSA. Men (fathers, husbands, brother) who are the guardians all women are expected to financially support and drive women or provide the means for transport (private driver). If a man is out working, even if it is a typical 9-5 job, how is he driving kids to and from school, as well as running errands to keep the household functioning? OR how is he supposed to afford a driver that costs $750/month when he’s trying to make ends meet? Currently, 20% of Saudis live below the poverty line of $480/month. The drop in oil and gas prices has hit the country bad. So badly that some people are even taking pay cuts.

With the need to boost the economy there is been a lot of news reports speculating the possibility of women being able to drive soon. I just don’t think it’s going to happen though and here’s why…

One of the many aspects of Vision 2030 is to increase Saudi Arabia’s workforce by 1.3 million women. Awesome, right? When I first read that I thought this must mean women will be allowed to drive if they’re going to be working. Until I read that Uber had raised $3.5 billion, on June 1 2016, from Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, the kingdom’s main investment fund, in one of the largest-ever investments into a privately held start-up. This is great for getting women to work, but what about women driving themselves?

The Uber announcement came literally a month after MbS, the then deputy crown prince, said “So far the society is not persuaded (by women driving) – and it has negative influence – but we stress that it is up to the Saudi society,” and he added that it is not “a religious issue as much as it is an issue that relates to the community itself that either accepts it or refuses it,” Gulf News reported in April 2016.

The investment in driver hailing app services aims to bring workers into the private sector by creating 450,000 positions by 2020. Uber and Careem say they will create up to 200,000 jobs for Saudi men by end of 2018. If all goes according to plan, this should also help the Vision 2030 goal of increasing the female workforce by five percentage points in the next five years to 28 percent.

So it makes complete sense that MbS, the now crown prince, and the Saudi government will be protecting their $3.5 billion investment in hopes of economic growth for the kingdom and attaining the goals set for 2030. A large part of the vision is about diversifying the country’s economic portfolio so that there is much less reliance on oil. I get that more job opportunities needs to be created for both men and women. It’s disheartening to think that those jobs might be at the expense of women’s rights.

I hate to be a naysayer because I would love nothing more than progress to be made in the kingdom. I’m only here for two years, I have the means to hire a driver, and I can come and go as I please because J doesn't approve my every move. My heart goes out to these women who have entirely different laws to abide by, who want to work, who just want to get to the grocery store or take their kids to a doctor appointment without having to be driven. For all this I would happily be proved wrong.

Can I Bum A Ride?

July 25, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

I know in previous posts I’ve touched on the fact that women can’t legally drive in KSA, but as I was WhatsApp-ing with a friend I realized that I haven’t delved into how convoluted the situation really is for me, especially now that I’m going to be working.

To give you some perspective for Saudi women, most have private drivers; 87% of Saudi families have private drivers, according to a Public Opinion Unit survey done in 2014. Taxicabs are an option, but aren’t safe. Saudi Arabia is a very class based society so most Saudi women, with the means to have a private driver, would never take a cab. In fact, cabs are seen a something only poor people use. Recently changing the marketplace are Uber and Careem, which state that 80% of customers in KSA are women.

Some of you might be thinking, what’s the big deal? Adrienne, you have plenty of options to use an Embassy driver, hire a private driver, get a cab, or call an Uber to get to and from the office. Right???

WRONG. For me the general rules and practices are entirely different.

First, I actually don’t have an Embassy driver at my disposal. The motor pool drivers are available to us to use until our car arrives, but I can’t use them for regular ongoing personal use, like driving me to work.

Cabs are ruled out entirely for Embassy staff and family members. We have no idea who those drivers are and certainly don’t want them coming on and off the DQ, seeing where were we live, trying to creep around or attempting to get any information. The potential security issues are a nightmare.

A taxi-haling app seems like a good alternative since the drivers are vetted by the companies. And technically we are cleared to use UberBlack when we’re out and about in Riyadh. Security at the DQ gates can vary though. Some guards may let a driver on to pick me up or I might have to meet them at 1 of 2 gates, which are both over a mile from our villa. I’ve heard stories about people having to go pick up their delivered food at one of the gates because security won’t let them on!

And hiring a driver is more complicated than you’d think. In KSA there are a lot of non-Saudis living and working here, making up about at 1/3 of the total population. These people are sponsored by their employer to work in-country. We, I mean J, sponsors our nanny because she’s Filipina. I can’t because women aren’t allowed to sponsor employees. Technically, J is my “guardian” and I can’t do anything without him or his approval. So unless I can find a Saudi driver, which would be rare and he probably wouldn’t agree to drive me anyway being that I’m a woman, J would have to sponsor this person. Sponsorship can be 6 000 SAR, plus monthly salary could be 3 000 SAR. This is the full-time rate, regardless of the fact that he’d only be actually working about 45 minutes a day!

So this then begs the question, why am I figuring this out? Since my company wants me to work here, why wouldn’t this be part of my work contract? Surely they know how to deal with this. Well, not really.

As I mentioned before, there is only one other full-time female employee in our office. She’s a single woman living with her family and already has a full-time driver for her to take her anywhere she needs, not just work, because that’s how things are done here since WOMEN AREN’T ALLOWED TO DRIVE.

I have one last option, a driver hire app that covers the cost of sponsorship. J got it approved from the security office so now I just need to get a driver and hope he gets cleared because I just need a ride to work, which I never imagined would be this tough of a problem to solve! Wish me luck!!

A Brief Abaya History

July 25, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

As you know by now, I have to wear an abaya off of the DQ. Since there are such strict laws about being covered in KSA, it begged the question – where did this cultural tradition come from? With most things now that are unfamiliar to me, my curiosity is constantly piqued so I had to do some research.

The origins of the abaya are vague. Some think that it existed as long as 4 000 years ago in the ancient civilizations of Mesopotamia (which is now Iraq) and when Islam arose in the seventh century C.E., the religion absorbed local veiling practices into its culture, probably due to the dressing traditions of the women of Arab Jahiliya.

In the Arabian Peninsula, women have been wearing an abaya-type garment for hundreds of years. Before Islam, the women who were dressed in abayas were seen as luxurious women from noble families who did not have to work. They were distinguished from maids and prostitutes, who were not allowed to cover their bodies.

It was later adopted for religious reasons as a sign of modesty and privacy. For many, the abaya represents a proud tradition and deeply-respected culture. In the past, they were often made of wool or silk, and came in one flowing size. Bedouin women often wore various types of lightweight shawls and wraps, not necessarily the black abaya as it is now known. The first abayas were made from one piece, both for the head and the body. It went all the way to the floor and it covered both the head and the body.

I can subscribe to the function of the abaya. A few weeks after we arrived J and I went out for afternoon and there were sandstorms. I was happy to be covered so my clothes didn’t get dusty. I went out without my hijab and regretted it because I really would have appreciated my hair being shielded from the sand. I imagine when people were still living in the literal desert the utility of the abaya was great!

In modern day, not so much. In the office it’s constantly getting caught in the wheels of my desk chair. There is just so much material it’s like trying to pee in a wedding dress, that I have to take it off when I use the WC. I often trip walking up stairs, seriously. And the quality of the materials is the worst! I have the biggest struggle finding any made of linen or cotton. Most, although they look really cool, are made of synthetics. Not conducive to 115 degree heat. That much polyester in this heat is a fire hazard and I could burst into flames!

So why do KSA women wear black abayas? Well, the answer for this a really hazy. I read that black was a color that early women were able to easily create from the resources they had – goats mainly – and so black it was. I don’t know, wearing goatskin in the desert heat seems unbelievable. It’s also said that Muslim women wore black because it didn’t reveal anything underneath. It was originally connected to Islam and it fulfilled a purpose of not revealing anything. Another source I read stated that one man had the abaya market cornered and he only made them in black. Leave it to a man to come up with the nonsensical color of black, while men wear white thobes. This is totally believable!

Recently norms have relaxed a bit. Have you seen the Carolina Herrera and Dolce & Gabbana abayas? Stunning! You can walk into any abaya boutique and see a small range of colors available – navy, hunter green, mauve, tan, grey. Surprisingly, they’re not very popular. I think only diplomats and expats buy them because I only see Saudi women wear black in public. A fashion designer commented that the demise of color was mainly due to ‘familial pressure’ applied by male family members who want women to blend in. Saudi Muslim women are told they aren’t supposed to attract any attention, hence their bodies being covered. So one can imagine abayas that are flashy or standout in a crowd are not going to be wildly popular by the 'guardians'.

I suppose I wouldn’t care that much about abaya style if I spent most of my time on the DQ, but now that I’m going into the office on a daily basis the abaya is now my means of fashion expression. So I have to buy a bunch of abayas - breathable, subdued color, unique, but not too flashy. 😉

Lettuce Discuss The Grocery Situation

July 18, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Carter taking inventory of the fruit drawer after a shopping trip

I’ve gotten some questions about the food and grocery situation here, especial when it comes to the Gents. The curiosity is completely understandable. I’m always interested to see what products are in grocery stores in other countries. Figured I’d do a little run down for you on what it’s like to grocery shop in KSA!

Upon arrival it was really important that we get to a grocery store as soon as possible. Coming off of living in a hotel for two weeks, I was eager to start getting back into my food routine. I've eaten a fruit and veggie smoothie nearly every morning for the last two years. You can imagine how “off” I felt after two weeks of Baked and Wired savory biscuits...YUM, though! In the first two weeks in Riyadh, J and I made 6 different grocery runs. Each trip was a bit of a struggle given that these are new stores with entirely different products, while hunting for the items we needed, building up a pantry, making sure we have more than enough options for C&R, and have food for nearly every meal since we couldn't eat out for dinner during Ramadan. By the way, I’m writing this after finally doing a grocery run without J!

As I’ve mention before, call to prayer is a challenge. We always think about prayer times when planning anything outside of our home or Embassy. For instance, if we’re going out to dinner or to get groceries we want to get to the destination before prayer time because they won’t let anyone in once it starts. If you’re in between prayer times then it’s a race to get to where you need and get out before it starts. People have told us their experience of getting stuck at the grocery store or IKEA because the checkout people are expected to drop whatever they are doing at that moment, even if it’s mid-checkout. You can shop during prayer time, but you can’t leave the store. Prayer time lasts about 30 minutes, so it’s a good amount of time for grocery shopping. There are six throughout the day: Fajr (overnight), Sunrise, Dhuhr (noon-ish), Asr (mid-afternoon), Maghrib (sundown), Isha (evening). And the times vary based on which branch or school practiced, as well as sunrise and sundown. Of course there is an app that tracks all of this, which I downloaded so I'm top of it!

The grocery stores here are pretty good. There is Tamimi, which is actually Safeway and it’s fine to get basic stuff. Carrefour is the French chain and disappointing except for bread (I wish Monoprix was here!). Danube is a local chain and our favorite because they have a lot specialty items (almond milk, gluten free pasta, organic items), a limited but decent cheese section, good bread, and the nicest selection of produce. We also go out to the commissary at Eskan Air Force base to get the American stuff on the cheap.

For the most part the stores are just like back home, with a few noticeable differences – expensive Western items, lots of white cheeses and a ton of sweets. Most American and European products that aren’t produced in the region have a BIG markup. There are a TON of white Arabic cheeses that all look exactly the same to me except for their shape and there is one side of a dairy aisle full of cream cheese (??). I do hope to learn about all of the cheeses before we leave though! Biscuits/cookies have an entire aisle and chocolate has another aisle. Clearly sweets are a big deal here.

Aside from our Eskan American junk food staples of Cheetos, Pop Tarts and the like (in moderation of course), we do eat a LOT of produce. We've been doing well with eating pretty healthy since we've arrived. I’m back on smoothies in the mornings. Avocado toast and quinoa salads are my go-to lunches. Yes! We get good Mexico and California avocados, which are about $7/lb (if my kg to lb and SAR to USD calculations are correct), which isn’t bad. Now that we’re working out regularly in the evenings we’re trying to keep it light with some sort of protein and veg or big yummy salads. I’m not really into cooking during the summer anyway. Plus, I look forward to pizza and steak nights at the Embassy so I don't have to cook and can be social.

We’re getting into a new phase with the Gents. Thankfully I can find their usual foods. C will eat anything you put in front of him, whereas R is getting really picky. It’s showing, too. C is definitely getting taller and chubbier. Breakfast is the easiest meal of oatmeal and berry applesauce, yes, that I still make. I’m sneaking beetroot and dragon fruit in the applesauce to get R some variation of really healthy fruit and veg. Lunch is chicken, fish or shrimp with mixed veggies and some fruit. R will only eat chicken, tilapia and corn right now. God only knows what fruit he might eat. Grapes? Golden Kiwi? No, of course not the pedestrian green kiwi! I was shocked to learn of a recent update from our nanny that he’ll eat oranges, skin off of course. Dinner is usually pasta and fruit. R thankfully still loves his bananas. And I’ve been sneaking Greek yoghurt in because he needs the extra calories and protein.

All in all, not much has changed for us. We’ve made some variations to the regular items we’d buy, but it’s really not much different than how we’d eat or shop back home. As I’ve said before, there are so many more difficult posts we could be in the world and Riyadh isn’t so bad!

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If this post hasn’t bored you already, here are some experiences and lessons learned so far…

Produce isn’t always marked or identified properly. Buying greens can be a crapshoot. Some are easy to identify like lettuce, parsley, mint, basil, and then there are a bunch of others. One actually looks like thick blades of grass. I still don’t know what it is. I’ve taken my chances and have figured out which is spinach (it looks like a cross between spinach and arugula/rocket here) and that silk greens (which look similar to beetroot greens) work well in smoothies. I picked the wrong greens once and had very peppery smoothies.

C&R love fish and shrimp. We made the mistake of buying a nondescript “white fish” and shrimp our first time out at Tamimi. Both had the strangest consistencies. The fish took forever to “cook” and it still looked raw and rubbery. The shrimp was badly freezer burnt so they were mushy. Fortunately we can get good quality frozen tilapia and jumbo shrimp at Eksan.

Fage Greek yoghurt has a ridiculous 3-4x markup, and they don’t sell it as Eskan. So we buy the one Saudi brand. It’s fine, but Fage is soooooo much better!

You all know of my love of meats and cheese. Any American or European cheeses are usually the processed ones. We can get some decent European cheeses at Danube, but the selection is limited. We’ve augmented our collection with what’s also available at Eataly. It’s pricey, but it’s our one food splurge that we really enjoy. And obviously there is no cured pork. Sadly the only charcuterie meat available is bresola.

Detergent, cleaning products, Ziploc bags, good toilet paper and paper towels are so expensive at the local stores. Thankfully we have Eskan for all of this. It’s almost akin to doing a Costco run because we end up stocking on so much while we’re there.

And we are now relying on Amazon for some things because I have gotten a little lazy. I buy the fruit and veg pouches to take with us for the Gents when we go out for dinner. I used to be so good about making ALL of their food, but I discovered after the Paris trip that the pouches really are convenient. C&R also really like their Annie’s cheddar bunnies and grahams, which we have to get on Amazon.

Oh, and tampons. Not surprisingly, that they aren’t available in any local stores and the selection at Eksan is terrible. I really don’t know what I’d do without Amazon.

Speaking of, it takes about 2 weeks to get Prime shipments so I definitely have to plan ahead now. And I’m pleasantly surprised with the retailers that ship to APO addresses. Nespresso, J. Crew, Zappos, and Nike we’ve ordered from so far. And for those that don’t ship to APO, those packages can be sent to address in Dulles, VA and it gets pouched to us.

The shipping conveniences are afforded to us because of being associated with the US Embassy. Diplomats at other embassies or expats living at compounds do not have an APO. I was just reading a Facebook post by a mother, who lives on the DQ and is going to Canada, asking what she should buy while she’s there…ughhhhh, I’m so glad we don’t have to worry about that. We're really well taken care of!

(I Got) Work To Do

July 18, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

Channeling my spirit animal for the next chapter ahead of me (BTW, aren't these doors the coolest?!)

Now that we’re past the Eid holiday break, and everyone is back to work, I finally got my official job offer! I’m still working out some important details, like HOW I’m going to get to the office since I can't legally to drive. Minor details. I’ll start working for Starcom, on STC (Saudi Telcom Company) and likely support other Publicis Companies and client teams. Really thankful this is finally coming together so I can have an income again!

It was timely that the offer came through as there was a client meeting on Thursday that my boss wanted me to attend. Like many companies, especially tech, you have to request a visitor badge before arriving. STC is even more unique because for women, even those from vendors/agencies they have contracted relationships, we need to apply for a new badge for every visit. Most requests require 48-72 hour notice; my request was sent with 18 hours. And yes, all of the men in our office have STC vendor badges that allow them ease of entry…even the driver that takes us there.

When I woke up Thursday morning I wasn’t certain that my badge would come through in time to attend the meeting, but I got ready and went to the office to meet my colleagues so we could all ride over to STC headquarters together. When I got to our office my credentials had just been sent over to my boss. YAY! Getting showered and putting makeup on wasn’t for nothing!

When we drive up to the security gate on STC campus everyone hands over their badges, and my boss provides the electronic document he received to grant my access. The guard starts screaming to another guard in the next booth, like sirens blaring. It’s a moment like this when I really wish I understood Arabic. My colleagues start chuckling, trying to maintain their composure. They tell me that the guard alerted others that there was a woman on campus and asked for a walkie-talkie so he could request my security vehicle escort (!) to the Executive Club, the building where our meeting is taking place. I wish I could have taken a video of the scene, because I can’t do it justice in words. It was dramatic and comical. We waited for my escort and proceeded to the Executive Club. This was the first time my team had come with a women and they too were surprised with the security being taken.

Of the 20,000 employees on STC HQ campus, ONLY four are women and I understand these are recent hires. These women are also segregated in their own building. As I’ve been told, most of the buildings aren’t even equipped with women’s restrooms, which I guess is in part why they have their own building. The security guard reaction to my presence wasn’t surprising, but it was definitely amusing. I was special…in a strange way.

In the conference room I notice there were about 30 people, four of them women, including myself and a woman from the creative agency. I deducted that other two women, of the four working at STC, must work in Marketing…a good sign for our client team? Mind you none of the women from STC spoke during the meeting, but it wasn’t like a US meeting where so many people are vying for share of voice. I could sense a hierarchy among the men in the room as well. And yes, the Saudi women were wearing niqab and hijab. Side note, it’s worth calling out that STC is mostly government owned. So I can’t help but wonder how much of Vision 2030 has anything to these female hires and maybe there will there be more?

With introductions I let my colleagues take the lead. The interactions I had with many of the male clients, Saudi men dressed in the traditional white thobe and red checkered shemagh, were encouraging. All looked me in the eye, shook my hand, greeted me with well wishes for my time in KSA and told me that they’re looking forward to working together. J had told me a while ago that any Saudi businessman is going to be respectful and polite in our interactions because of my work experience and my title. I recently read a NYTimes article from 2015 about a woman architect, based in NY, who’s been working with the Saudis or some time. Her perspective is similar. “In Saudi Arabia, it’s clear they have a great admiration for expertise, so the rules were changed a bit when they saw that I was bringing expertise to the table, which is of course why they hired me in the first place,” she said. I think the GM of our office prepped the clients on my background.

The purpose of the meeting was to review first-half 2017 – for the creative agency to recap the work they’ve done and for our team to give an update on the competitive landscape, media plans, as well as talk about any marketplace trends. Being that this was my first meeting, it was important that I contribute to the meeting and show some knowledge, even though I know nothing about STC’s business. Fortunately I was very familiar with a case study the team presenting so I chimed in on that. The clients asked me some questions. After the meeting one of our day-to-day clients even came up to me to chat for a bit. I considered this a big success for my first meeting.

As we left, my colleagues began asking me questions about what I thought of the clients and the meeting. I started replaying the last four hours in my mind and my head began spinning with questions. From a business perspective I was impressed with the client team. All asked great questions, requested valuable follow-up work to be done and definitely challenged the team on upcoming projects. From a cultural perspective, I felt like the day spanned opposite ends of the traditional to progressive spectrum, but with a LOT of contradiction. This seems to be the typical Saudi dichotomous struggle in a lot of my observations. Some hold strict standards and expectations of women, as interpreted from the Quran. Since I’m a Westerner and Christian, am I not held to the same standards? Yet, there seems to be Saudi men who are more liberal and don’t have problem interacting with (Western?) women. Are they comfortable with their wife’s face being uncovered? Do their wives work? Do they support progress and women’s rights? Or are they just falling back on these cultural archetypes because that’s tradition and how things have always been done?

So many questions, and I wonder if I’ll ever get to ask them to any Saudi men? Interestingly, none on my colleagues are Saudi. They're mostly Lebanese, Pakistani and Indian and had no light to shed. By the time I got home I really wanted to take a nap, but I rallied with a Red Bull and joined J for Thursday night steak dinner at the Embassy to hang out with our fellow Americans, not question gender roles and just feel normal. But I am looking forward to getting into the office on a regular basis and many more client meetings!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

July 11, 2017 Adrienne Bitter

The boys first time out to dinner in Riyadh, off the DQ, and seeing women wearing a niqab. Royce's expression is priceless.

After a being here for a month, going off the DQ several times to the grocery store, malls, and restaurants I was beginning to think the mutaween (religious police) didn’t actually exist. I've seen a number of Muslim women out without their face covered and even a couple more, whom I assumed were Muslim, who didn't cover their hair. I thought to myself, “Wow, Riyadh really IS progressing!”

The mutaween came to be in the 1980s when King Fahd issued a royal decree formally creating the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. They’re also known as the hai’a. They're charged with ensuring that Saudis and foreign residents respect traditional Islamic morality, as defined by the Saudi government.

Speaking strictly to the dress code that’s enforced, there are various loose rules. It’s up to the woman’s family (father, brother, husband) to determine the level at which she is covered. Saudi women MUST be covered head to toe. This includes wearing a hijab (scarf that covers the hair) and niqab (veil with eye slits) or burqa (completely covers hair and face). Some families are more progressive though and the woman might be allowed to leave her face exposed. For foreigners and/or diplomats we’re ONLY required to wear an abaya, which covers the body shoulders down. We do not have to cover our hair. Interestingly, I was told by an Embassy person that it’s better for Westerners to not cover our hair because we’re more easy to identify. Not sure that I see the logic in that, but since it’s summer I’m fine not covering my head.

We went out with friends for dinner Friday night and took C&R with us (pictured above). As we were waiting on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant for our driver to pick us up, a white SUV with lights flashing slow rolls past us. I notice a mutatwa looking angrily at me, pointing and motioning for me to cover my hair. Hmmm. That hasn't happened before. J and the guys gruffed, telling me not to worry about it. J also said in the times he's previously been in Riyadh he never saw the mutaween.

The following afternoon J and I went to Deira Souk to check out the gold, rug and abaya souks. J suggested that I take my hijab with me because the souk is right next to mutaween HQ. Within minutes of being in the abaya souk, while J is haggling over the price of an abaya for me, a mutawa pops his head into the store and sternly asks, “Please, cover your hair.” I immediately oblige him. They technically have no authority to make arrests any longer, but I’ve read some terrible stories and seen videos of people being harassed. I suppose I could have flashed my Diplomatic passport so that he knew who were were, but he said please, which I thought was polite, and I just don’t want to have a potential bad run in with these guys.

That evening we’re having dinner at a neighbors’ house, hanging out with other Embassy people. So I say, “Did J tell you guys about my back-to-back mutaween run-ins this weekend?!” I thought it was kind of funny, and just my luck being "picked on". I was surprised by the resounding incredulous response from nearly everyone. No one has seen or heard of mutaween on the streets, let alone patrolling in vehicles in quite some time. Some even said they haven’t seen them out in the last year. There was a change in practice, over a year ago, giving the mataween much less authority and instructing them to be “kinder and gentler”. And with that I guess they kind of disappeared.

I was telling our nanny the story and she said she’s never had an incident with a mutawa in the three years she’s lived here. For us to have had these interactions seems like a big deal and that there may be something is going on behind the scenes. What exactly? One can only speculate. One person thought that it might be King Salman’s way of placating the conservatives, in light of his recent decree placing his less conservative son, MBS, as the Crown Prince. Another person though they may be other changes coming within the royal family.

Whatever the reasoning might be (will be sure to update you on any political updates) it’s definitely not going to change where we go or what we do. I knew this would likely be an issue off the DQ. At one point I was even thinking of wearing my hijab and niqab so no one would give me a hard time. This is the reality of where we live. I don't like this aspect of Riyadh, but I respect it. I just need to make sure I always bring my hijab with me on the chance we have another run in, which is a very good possibility!