The Path That Led Here - Part II

In early March Vogue published an article titled “This is 40…and Pregnant”. When I initially saw it on Instagram I was struck and intrigued by the post, being pregnant and 40 myself. The article really spoke to me – fascination from some at my age (and a lot of people asking or assuming I had help getting pregnant because we have twins) and affirming that so many other women are doing exactly what I did – having children later in life. This stirred quite a bit in me and made me reflect on the last 20 years and the further thinking about "The Path That Led Here".

I doubt anyone plans to have children later in life. It just happens. Lots of other things come up or get prioritized. Like myself, a lot of women are not rushing to get married or have children. We’re working on ourselves, our career, practicing self-care, taking the time to find the right person, etc. Frankly, I also chose to be selfish. I worked really hard so when I started making good money I wanted to use my disposable income to reward myself – shop, go to amazing restaurants, party, travel – and basically do whatever I wanted. It’s not to say I wasn’t looking for a partner, but it took a lot longer to find than expected. Did I get antsy about it? I sure did. In the end this was all worth the wait.

When I wasn’t looking, at 36, I met J while we both were running a relay race from Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago. We were both recruited on the team by different people and knew no one else. It was a complete chance encounter that put us in a minivan for 27 hours, being teammates, and getting to know one another a bit. We saw each other again a month later on July 4th, running with the same group, and were inseparable after. It was a whirlwind courting period let led to an engagement seven months later. We were married just after I turned 38, I got pregnant with twins and they arrived 6 weeks shy of my 39th birthday. We moved to Riyadh, I got pregnant again at 40 and will be 41 when she arrives. Yes, we’ve packed a lot into five years!

Is it harder to be pregnant and chasing toddlers around at after 40? It feels pretty much the same as it did three years ago. I think pregnancy and kids are exhausting no matter what age you are. I firmly believe women at this age are better educated than previous generations about self-care, physically and mentally, and have so many more resources to do so. Both of which I also believe have a big part in being healthy enough to get pregnant, having healthy babes and being the best versions of ourselves to take better care of them. I workout regularly, eat relatively healthy, and try to clear the negative clutter from my mind daily.

So why am I telling you all this and what does it have to do with you? It’s probably because I’m getting older, but being a Manager, Friend, Sister, Cousin, Auntie, etc. I’ve had a number of conversations with people, men and women, I care about regarding their careers and life decisions. If I had to impart any pearls of wisdom to you all or my children in the future, what would I share? It would be similar to what said to others. We all want different things in life and the key is recognizing what’s most important. All of the things I valued just a few years ago are still important to me. Things are just a little different now because I have a husband and children to factor in.

For instance, my career is still a big part of who I am. I’m taking a brief hiatus though that initially was out of my control, but after I got pregnant I thought what better time to take a break? I know I’ll eventually be back in the game. In the meantime I’m staying incredibly busy taking care of me, being a Wife and Mother. I'm now writing more, drawing, trying to stay on top of Arabic and filling the rest of my time with social activities. As for travel, it’s important that we do it as a family. I can’t imagine seeing the world without The Gents. J enjoys eating at high-end restaurants as much as I do but we’ve scaled it back and save the Michelin starred restaurants for when we’re traveling. We still both enjoy treating ourselves to very nice things, we’re just a lot more selective and frugal about it now.

I look back on my twenties and thirties with absolutely no regrets. I could have made a number of wrong turns along the way and my story would have been entirely different. Fortunately the few bad decisions I made were life lessons and not life altering. I lived my life exactly the way I wanted and missed out on nothing. I did what I believed was best for me, while trying to be aware enough of myself to make self-improvements and be ready when the right person came along.

Now that we’re a family I think the important thing is that we’re not making huge sacrifices as individuals and that we’re growing together as a family, continuing to do the things that are important to us. It’s far from perfect and still a work-in-progress, but here are some things I’ve learned that continue to help me live a happier, fuller life....

Lessons On The Path That Led Here
Know you want in life and prioritize what’s important to you. Don’t steer from it, but know that the list may get reprioritized.

Control what you can and let go of the things you cannot.

Be kind and aware of your actions because perception is someone else’s reality.

Don’t sacrifice yourself for anyone who isn’t willing to reciprocate.

Take care of yourself first, because no else one is going to.

You know what’s best for you better than anyone else, but don’t completely ignore advice from valued individuals.

Get rid of the negative energy (people and your thoughts) that’s holding you back from being happy.

Open yourself up to possibilities, especially the scary ones that take you out of your comfort zone.

Don’t compare your life to anyone else’s. We all have different paths to forge.

Live your life for you and no one else.

The Path That Led Here

In my career I’ve been fortunate enough to work with a number of global brands that have given me the opportunity to learn about advertising and marketing in other parts of the world and exposure to places I might never visit. In May 2013, I worked on a new business pitch for Chanel that took me to Paris. It was crazy and stressful, but I always look back on it fondly. I made connections with senior leadership in our company that I never would have otherwise and was able to be part of the pitch presentation team. What a career confidence building experience! Unfortunately we didn’t win the business, but had we won I would have moved to Paris to work on the global team. Amazing, right?

Funny thing is at that point in my life I had no desire to live abroad again. I had already lived in London and came back to really fall in love with Chicago. I was able to get home to Michigan to see family frequently, I had a great group of friends/support system, a nice disposable income to do what I pleased, and I enjoyed the work I was doing. The only thing missing in my life was someone to share it with.

Admittedly, I was kind of relieved when we didn’t win. I wouldn’t have to grapple with a decision and feel like I was sacrificing myself for the company or feel guilty that I was giving up a once in a lifetime opportunity. In my mind, I wouldn’t have the time or the opportunity to meet anyone if I was bouncing around the globe and working ridiculous hours on a new piece of business. I wanted to stay put in Chicago and see who might come my way.

Soon after the loss my boss came to me with a potential opportunity to move to Buenos Aries. I didn’t tell him no, as I knew it was a long shot since my Spanish isn’t good enough to be leading a client team in-country. And when he came to me again a week later with an another opportunity to move to Dubai I just flat out told him, as much as I appreciated I being considered, to please stop mentioning my name for these positions. He was surprised, knowing my love of working on global accounts. He thought this would make up for us not winning Chanel. Only once before this conversation had I ever opened up to a superior, but I felt I owed it to him to be honest about what I wanted in my career and personal life. He completely understood. To this day he is still one of my favorite bosses.

And then few days later that June I ran the life changing Ragnar Relay where I met J. Weeks after we started dating in July he got his offer with the State Department and then moved to Virginia in September. Surely his career would require that he work at a US Embassy somewhere else in the world and I knew I would make that journey with him. Naturally, the universe was pulling me out the US, again. Knowing he was just starting this new career, I let him take the lead on where. My only stipulation was, and still is, that there be a Starcom or Publicis office at any potential post location so I can continue working. We'll see what options we have for our next post. :) 

I do believe we all have a path, but we can alter the path with our action or inaction. I also believe with faith, open-mindedness, getting outside of our comfort-zone, and positivity that greater opportunities will present themselves on our path. So many events happened in my life before I met J that prepared me for where I currently am and for that path I'm grateful. 

And so begins my gratitude journal...