A particularly unique aspect of Foreign Service life is that we’re consistently saying goodbye to people. My very first steak night in Riyadh, when being introduced to a couple, the husband said, “You don’t have to worry about remembering our names, we’re leaving tonight.”
Most post assignments are two years. People generally arrive and leave in the summer months. Then there are all of the people who are here for short assignments, from 2 weeks to 2 months. People are in constant flux. It could make someone feel like there’s no point to being too friendly since they or you are going to leave eventually. But I think, empathetically, people in this life want to take more of an inclusionary and welcoming approach.
When we arrived I set my expectations low for making friends and over time I’ve met quite a few people I would certainly consider myself friendly with. But meeting and building relationships with like-minded individuals who you can trust is rare in any circumstance, let alone in a small community.
Anyone who has read MSTB, or talked to me extensively about Riyadh, has heard me speak of my dear friend H. JR and I actually become friends with her husband T first, soon after we arrived in June ’17, as she and their children spent the summer in Colorado before coming to Riyadh. T quickly became one of my favorite people. I didn’t mind that JR would be gone half the day with him playing golf! T always spoke fondly of H and their kids, showing me pictures and videos. His wife sounded fun. And when I saw the welcome mat that she had sent for the women’s entrance of their house (yes, that’s a real thing in KSA) that read “WHAT’S UP BITCHES?” I genuinely became excited to meet her.
H and I hit it off immediately and quickly became known as buddies in our community. Together, with the guys and/or our children we quickly developed a routine - weekly grocery runs, pizza nights, steak nights, Fridays at the pool, Saturday movie nights at their house, dinners out, trips to Bahrain. Yes, I realize this is a lot of time together. It helps our husbands are good friends as well! The embassy drivers even took notice of it. A lot of people assumed we’d known each other from another post. I sometimes felt like we were getting shade though, with people teasing us for the two or four of us always being together or people making comment that we’re friends just because of our twins. Although having twins makes for an unspoken bond amongst mothers, our twins have nothing to do with our connection. We would have been friends regardless. I get why some people might be envious though. I might be too if I was on the other end, observing us. Not everyone makes a connection at post. It can be tough.
T arrived in Riyadh a few weeks before us in June ’17 and would be here for two years, like us. We were so happy that we’d have these guys here for the entire time we’d be at this post. While I was on medevac I was excited to come back to Riyadh and see H. I truly missed her. Towards the end of my medevac H reached out to break the news that they would be leaving post early. Long story short, T got work opportunity that would be cutting their tour short 6 months. Both JR and I were devastated to be losing our buddies.
Making a connection like this (especially for a couple!) is special and rare. Some might say we got lucky, but I like to think God was looking out for me, knowing I’d need someone during this first tour. However we were all brought together, I’m grateful. I’m a believer that people come in and out of our lives for a reason, whether it’s to teach us something or be the support that we need at that time. H was exactly what I needed during this first tour. Someone to pal around with, confide in, give perspective of her experiences as a trailing spouse, provide twin mom pearls of wisdom, etc. Admittedly I’m so sad to not see my friend and Riyadh feels very different without them here. The rest of our time in Riyadh will go by quickly, followed by summer back in The States and then off to Cairo. Like any situation that’s difficult, this too shall pass.
As H and I were saying our tear-filled farewell, T said to both us, “This isn’t goodbye. You know the people you’re going to keep in touch with and see again. We’ll see you later.” i know he’s right. Plus, I already promised their daughter girls trips with me and Pepa over the years to come. I can’t wait for us to make good on that promise. :)