2020 was a doozy of a year. Nothing was easy for anyone – single at home feeling isolated, trapped at home with ALL of your crazy kids wishing for isolation, the stress of working from home, the stress of being laid off, worrying about getting COVID, actually getting COVID…the list of polar opposite stresses goes on.
Since we’re approaching the year mark on life in Covid world, and with Valentine’s Day having just passed, I think the theme of compassion is appropriate this week.
Compassion is a principle weaved throughout yogic thinking and practice. Not just compassion for others, but for oneself too. The stress of everyday life makes us forget to be compassionate or we can feel that we can’t slow down to take the time to be compassionate. We might not even realize we’re not being compassionate until we take some time to really reflect on our habits and actions.
When we’re having a rough patch it’s easy to get wrapped up in one’s self, or ego, blaming others or the world working against us, rather than taking control of the situation to turn things around. Taking the time to reflect and become aware of how compassionate we are, in our actions towards others and thoughts to one self, can make any situation better.
One of my favorite passages from The Yamas and Niyamas, by Deborah Adele, does a great job of articulating this…“If you are a taskmaster with yourself, others will feel your whip. If you are critical of yourself, others will feel your high expectations of themselves as well. If you are light hearted and forgiving with yourself, others will feel the ease of joy being around you. If you find laughter and delight in yourself, others will be healed in your presence.”
It’s a cycle. How we treat ourselves affects others. And that can very well lead to how others treat us. We’ve all experienced this. You know of people who are unpleasant and you don’t look forward to being around them, or you know people who always seem to radiate positive energy and you’re naturally drawn to them.
To share some personal experience, I always thought I was great at taking care of myself and giving self-love. After going through a loving-kindness metta meditation exercise, a few times, I became aware of just how tough I am on myself. It’s an incredible tool to bring awareness of yourself in your relationship with yourself and others. The process takes a bit of time, about 15 minutes per session, but it’s worth it. Here’s a guided meditation and script if you’re interested in trying it.
In addition to the loving-kindness meditation, that I do at least once a week, another great exercise is to write a love letter to your self. I know, it’s sounds a little hokie. Full transparency, I procrastinated this one because I knew what was coming. It was going to be hard and emotional. Like a therapy session you know you have to go to, but dread because you know you’re going to cry. Taking what I became aware of from the meditations laid the groundwork for the letter. I go back to that letter often to re-read it, to remind me to give myself and others grace.
Because of this consistent work it’s easier to recognize when I’m slipping in my effort to be compassionate. On days I’m stressed and being hard on myself, the energy shifts in our home. The kids act different – more wound up or cranky. He won’t say it, but I know JR gets irritated with me, too. When I feel anxious or stressed I try really hard not to project it. When I feel I might lose my temper, I take a full, deep breath to reset. I’m constantly having an inner dialogue to think positively. The days I take the time to meditate or reflect and give myself some leniency helps me chill. Taking the time to be compassionate, thinking about the perspective of another person – whether it’s your partner, friend, family, co-worker, or stranger – to give them what they need in that moment ,makes such a difference.
Admittedly it takes effort but, like anything, with more practice the muscle memory strengthens. None of this happens in one meditation session or writing a letter. Compassion that takes time, patience, and grace with oneself and others. You’ll slip but you’ll recognize it immediately. You’ll want to keep taking the time to meditate or reflect because so much good will come from it. You’ll become so much more aware. You’ll grow. You’ll take those things and keep striving to be an even better version of yourself for you and everyone around you. Enjoy your journey.
Sending you light and love. AGB