OK so I'm going to be real with you guys, as I always try to be, I may have over estimated my level of productivity this month. The upside of overconfidence is that I think I can do anything, the downside is that I'm often out of touch with reality. My current reality, for the month, is that I have a few less hours to myself during the day. I just occurred to me that I'm essentially trying to cram 13 hours into a 9 hour day. Now that I'm home I'm spending more time with The Gents AND trying to stick to my personal goals. As a result, MSTB and my Arabic studies have fallen by the wayside this month. Admittedly, I'm frustrated with my time management skills, but I'm glad I've prioritized my well-being and the boys.
I can happily report that I'm working out 4-5 days/week, I've been most successful with meditating during yoga, I've done a lot a research on some at home curriculum for C&R that we've even started....and unexpectedly I have learned so much more about them in the last two weeks. They're quickly growing into two new little people that I wasn't expecting, although I should have seen it coming since they're approaching two years.
These guys are sponges right now. They're still not speaking a ton of audible words. but they're saying SO much in their twinspeak. They're singing - picking up on songs quickly, singing along with me or their nanny, and singing songs they've memorized on their own. You may not understand it, but you'd recognize it when you hear it. They repeat words and three word sentences we say. I look at them in disbelief, asking "When did you learn those words?" I was so proud and thrilled when Royce said "Byyeeee Gigi" as we ended a FaceTime chat with my mother. It's a good feeling that they recognize and know they're family from thousands of miles away. They're interpersonal skills are developing even more, engaging with our friends. C, unprompted, gave my friend H a kiss. So sweet! And they're getting really good at taking direction and cleaning up their toys after playtime.
I'm giving them more learning challenges and they're doing really well. I think there is just so much going on in their little brains that they're having a hard time processing everything. One moment they're crying, the next they're laughing. And that happens most days even before we get downstairs for breakfast. Teething, growth spurts, their brains working so hard and as a result they often wake up already tired and cranky. I get it.
Maybe all this stretching of the minds is making them revolt? As good as they are with taking direction they're equally good at asserting themselves, blatantly being defiant and doing the exact opposite that we ask while dead pan staring at us. Sometimes I think it's really funny, other times I'm not amused at all and I raise my voice. Those are not proud mama moments for me. It's not all bad though! The Gents are best when we're playing together, they're outside running around or getting to be social with other people. It's so much fun to see.
In the tougher moments I have to remember, that although they are smart and they understand nearly everything I say, their minds can only handle so much. They get frustrated easily because the can't process it all and can't communicate the way they'd like. When tears are all they can get out which then escalates to a tantrum I can't get frustrated. It's hard. I have my own frustrations with not doing everything on my daily and weekly to do lists. I miss going into the office. I wish I had more time to study. Sometimes I want a night of hanging out with our friends. But when I can just STOP and hold them for a few minutes when they're upset it usually does the trick, for both of us.
I know my patience is wearing thin this month with all of these changes in my life while trying to still be a high achieving person. Out of concern, a few people reached out or asked if everything was alright because I hadn't posted anything last week and our Instagram accounts have been pretty quiet. I appreciate thoughts for my well being! All is good here. Am taking sometime extra time for these little guys and myself. I know I'll get back into my groove soon enough. For now I'm appreciating this new phase of their growth and what I'm learning about them, and myself. xo