Self-care has become a very popular term and topic in the last two years. There are 5.7MM hashtag posts on Instagram alone. We get it. Taking care of ourselves, physically and emotionally, is important. It’s not just for Mamas either. Although I believe that Mothers probably need to work harder at it because we take care of everyone else, mainly our children and husbands, before us. The important thing is prioritizing YOU. Do what makes you happy and feel like a better person. Everyone should have their own personal definition of self-care.
For me, there are two aspects. A big part is working out. Emotionally and physically, I feel better for doing it. The other part is my creative outlet – this blog, my drawing, even cooking. No one else may read it, see it, or taste it other than me, but when I produce something and grow a bit in the process I’m feel like a better version of myself.
A few weeks ago I got down. I didn’t have the energy to workout and part of me was feeling like a failure for not working. Sure I was producing things, but for whom? I thought, I’m not making any money off my efforts so what’s the point? I know, that’s such a ridiculous criticism. But when you go from having a pretty successful and lucrative career where you are paid for your work, it’s hard to change that mindset.
I had to talk myself into a new headspace. I have never cared what anyone has thought of me. I don’t let conventional notions define me, or my successes. What’s most important is what makes me happy right now. And at this point in my life I have this wonderful gift of time to cultivate my passions! I have fantasized about having this time just for me and I’m taking advantage of it. Even if I’m not conventionally "successful", I’m happy and that’s a success itself. I can’t put a price on that.
Earlier this week I was chatting with a group of women and the self-care subject came up. Someone defined it as taking time out for herself to binge watch her favorite show, but that it made her feel anxious after because she hadn’t gotten any of her meal prep done for the week. She’s a meal prep queen. She actually does brown bag sessions at the Embassy on the topic. It’s a struggle – to balance what you need to decompress with what also makes you feel good. So I shared my perspective of how I think about self-care and someone else chimed in on theirs. Everyone's it different. Sure, some days we just need some mindless TV. Admittedly, this was my definition of self-care when I was on maternity leave with The Gents because it allowed me to shut my mind off for a bit.
When you read about self-care it’s usually defined by some form of enhancement, improvement, or growth. I agree to an extent, but it’s also problematic because it lends a whole new pressure to the idea of self-care. We’re being told that we should take the time to take care of ourselves, but it has to be within certain parameters? I get it, downing a bottle of wine isn’t a glowing example of self-care. Maybe watching a few episodes of whatever mindless TV show gives you enough time to recharge and tackle whatever is next. Or even a few minutes of me time to do a face mask while your kiddos are napping or watching their favorite show. Some days, walking Wally over to the garden is the only time I leave the house and have a moment for myself, but feeling the sunshine and warm air is enough for me.
Everyone has different needs, whether they seem trivial or complex. Whatever they are, I think it’s important to figure out what self-care means for you. At different points in your life your definition will change, as it should because we’re constantly evolving as individuals. I know mine will change drastically come September when this new addition arrives. You’re not being judged on it. And if someone is judging you, screw ‘em. Do it for you and no one else. You know what you need to be a better version of yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you different. xo