Happy Independence Day! This week has been a lot of fun, even though I’ve spent most of my time on the DQ, we’ve been out mingling a lot. There was a progressive dinner party over the weekend and an early 4th of July BBQ last night. We even took C&R to their first kiddie pool party. It’s definitely felt more like being back in the US. One day we went to a neighbors’ house to play bags while he smoked meat. If it wasn’t for the 110 degree heat, the setting could have passed for a regular weekend in the country in Michigan. I can see how people can get very comfortable with just staying on the DQ and not venturing out into Riyadh. Will have to be mindful of this so that we don’t become insular. Maybe I’ll have to create a weekly goal of trying something new.
Every week I’ve been setting personal goals for myself. Since I’m not working and we have a full-time, live-in nanny I don’t have any excuses now! I started this blog, I’ve been cooking (admittedly that was more forced because of Ramadan), we’re getting out and being social with the Embassy community, J and I even went out on a couple dates to explore some restaurants and different areas of Riyadh. Now it’s time to get started on what I’ve been putting off so long, taking better care of myself and working out.
As I’ve shared, the last 17 months have been a struggle. Being a new mother to a single child is difficult enough. So many people ask, “How do you do it with twins?!” I get why people ask it, we get a lot of questions about having twins, but it really is a silly question. We just put our heads down and barrel though, doing whatever needs to get done. Then when you add in going back to work, trying to be a high achieving person, and carving out time for our marriage – something, ultimately, had to give. And what I sacrificed was myself. Which is why I landed myself smack in the middle of an anxiety-ridden mess. And to be fair, J sacrificed himself, too. We used to workout together 4-5 times/week before the Gents arrived. He got crazy busy at work and the overnights with the boys were sometimes rough, so by the time he got home in the evening, decompressing with his phone became his solace. Workouts got de-prioritized for both of us.
A recurring thing I hear and read is, especially as a mother, you need to take of yourself before you can take care of others. It’s so true, but it’s NOT easy. Not everyone has the luxury of family or friends nearby to lend a hand, let alone a nanny to help care for their children. Even with having a nanny soon after C&R came home from the hospital, I struggled just to get to the gym in our building. There was always something to do around the house. And let’s be honest, sometimes a nap or mindless TV is so much more appealing than a toned body. And now, even though our nanny lives with us we give her the weekends off, I know I’m just not going to get any “me time” on Friday and Saturday.
Putting myself first has always been struggle for me. Even before being a mother I always put work and others ahead of myself. I used to get up early to make J his breakfast and prepare these beautiful salads with homemade dressing for him to take to work. Poor thing. I know he misses that now. I think most women are very nurturing and want to take care of other people. When I had children I felt an even greater responsibility to prioritize the boys. And I didn’t do a great job of keeping the boundaries I set with work. I think it’s Catholic guilt. I just always feel like I can be doing more or working harder…for other people.
So changing habits at 40 (!) years old will be a slow transition for me, but at least I’ve been working on it the last few weeks. It’s kind of ridiculous that I had to be unemployed in order to start making the necessary changes. Everything happens for a reason though, so I’m taking advantage of it. The big part of our time in Riyadh has just been getting my day-to-day routine down. I don’t want to fill my days with too much that I can’t realistically sustain because I will be working eventually.
I’ve got a whole morning routine that I will spare you the details of, but basically it’s hydrating, skincare, eating, taking care of Wally, spending time with the boys, and finally a stretching/yoga sequence. I stretched every morning up until my belly got too big during my pregnancy. And of course I stopped. Now that I’m getting older, carrying two toddlers around daily is wearing my body down. I just ache all of the time. The stretching is so important and makes me feel loads better. Plus, I incentivized myself – I told myself I can’t start writing until I get through the sequence.
Now on to what I thought was going to be the hard part, which actually became really easy for us. We got blessed with neighbors who do crossfit/HIIT/tabata workouts about four days a week at their house! While our nanny gives the boys dinner and gets them settled in for the evening, J and I get a punishing workout in, together. It’s perfect. Now I just need to supplement the other days with some of body weight workouts, which means I need to work on freeing up some weekend time.
What I’m hoping to achieve during this unemployment stint is that I establish better habits to prioritize what I need, mentally and physically. I know I should ask for help when I need it from J and delegate some tasks to our nanny. Will also have to set some boundaries when I get back to work, but I’ll get to that when the time is appropriate. For now, I’ve got some work to do here that’s keeping me busy.